Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 5/19/2009

Question
Hello,
I have a nephew, age 22, who is homeless/ currently living in an abandoned house in Michigan.  His father, in Colorado, disowned him, and his mother, my sister, can't handle him, and her boyfriend doesn't want to take him in.  He has been kicked out of relatives & friends houses, and no one wants to take him in any longer.  He has been in and out of jail, using drugs/ alcohol, & has behavioral issues (manipulative/ lying).  He is on probation (possibly a warrant) , and is supposed to be paying child support.
At one point he completed a 30 day Salvation Army program.  We are thinking of bringing him to Florida, where most of his family is, and trying to convince him to enter another program (ie Faith Farm, Drug Abuse Foundation, etc) to help him learn responsibility and how to support himself, and may need help doing so.  He, of course, has no money, and we don't have a lot.
Do you agree?  If so, are there 1 or more programs you might recommend for him over Faith Farm (Okeechobee), Teen Challenge Mens Center (Sanford), or Drug Abuse Foundation (Delray Beach)?  If so, might you help us convince him to enter a program, and if so, how much would you charge to do so?  If not yourself, who might you recommend to help us?

Thank you,
Jeff Omans

Answer
Dear Jeff

This is a tricky one. Most experts agree that no one addicted to drugs or alcohol will quit until they have the desire to quit. That involves life getting so bad for them that they want to quit. It sounds like he is going through that process now. Either he will reach a point he will want to quit or he will die. You can't rescue him. You can let him know that if he wants to quit you will be there to help him. When (if) he asks for help, then help him. If you do it before he wants to quit, he will use you and break your heart as well. Good luck.