AboutJan Edward Williams Expertise all questions related to drug or alcohol addiction, except those requiring the expertise of a physician or those relating to mental health problems apart from addiction. See my web site: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com
Experience I have been working as a licensed addictions counselor for 29 years and am in recovery myself for 31 years
Organizations Licensed Clinical Professional Counselors Maryland
Maryland Addictions Professional Certification Board
Education/Credentials MS Counseling
Licensed Clinical Alcohol and Drug Counselor, Maryland
Question I have been married for 18 years and we have a 10 year old child. I am almost 40 My husband is an alcoholic, and he says he wants to get help but he never does anything about it.
He was in rehab in 2000 and only stayed for 4 days (thats all insurance would cover).
He does not go to AA because he said that all people do there is complain. So about a year ago I said ok then go to a psychiatrist and figure out why you drink. He went for about 6 mos then quit going he said" The doctor is an idiot".
I just don't know how much more I can take. I asked him why he drinks and he says he does not know. I ask him why he lies about his drinking his reply is "Why do you lie".
He drinks for days in a row then may quit for a day or 2 at most. Then will be drinking again.
I feel overwhelmed, I was thinking in a few weeks when school is out taking our child and moving in with my parents 30 miles away. Maybe that will make him open his eyes and know he needs to change. I just do not know what to do. Just the thought of getting a divorce and having to sell our house and everything is just too much.
Answer Hello Susan,
Your situation is indeed overwhelming and painful and is one that is difficult to handle on your own. I suggest that you consider taking a clear stand with this man, telling him that the relationship cannot continue unless he gets sober and stays sober through treatment and AA. His statement about AA is just an excuse to continue to drink; I also tend to think that it is not important right now "why" he drinks, but that he recognize that his drinking is out of control and about to cause him to lose his wife and child. I realize that it is emotionally difficult to give a firm ultimatum that the marriage is over unless he stops drinking for good and goes to AA, and suggest you think about getting help and support from Al-Anon, the 12 Step program for those in a relationship with an alcoholic: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/. You also might wish to consult a lawyer about the legal ramifications of your moving out of the residence, and how to do that and safeguard your rights. Good luck to you.
Jan Edward Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
www.alcoholdrugsos.com
jwilliams@alcoholdrugsos.com
