Addiction to Alcohol/I need help.

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Expert: - 5/24/2009


Question
I've been with my boyfriend for over a year. We have so many plans together for the future. Getting married and starting a family. There's only one problem, his drinking. He drinks so much and I don't know what to do about it. He makes plans to see me and spend time with me but once he starts drinking he forgets about me. He likes to go out with his friends and drink. Everytime he goes out, he gets girls numbers and goes out dancing with them. I always tell him I dont like him doing that and that I think it's disrespectful and he says that he promises to change and that he wants to stop doing what he does but he cant. I honestly think that he can IF he wants to, but obviously he doesn't want to. I tell him that he doesn't care about my opinion because if he did he wouldn't drink. He knows his drinking is a problem for me, but I don't know what to do about it anymore. I love him so much and he loves me too. I feel like his drinking is always going to be a problem for us. I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this or even what I should do.

Answer
Hi Melisa,

When he's sober, your boyfriend makes plans for spending the future together, but once he's with his friends and drinks he 'forgets'.

Right now, because of his behavior, you are in an abusive relationship, and if you feel that his drinking will always be a problem, it will only get worse. Here's some information that might help:

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/abusive-relationship.html

You have to stand up to him and tell him that you love him, but unless he gets help with his drinking, you can not go on like this.
Tell him to go to AA meetings, get counseling, whatever..... but he has to change his behavior if he intends on being a loving husband and father.

Right now, he wants the relationship, but he also wants to be single and party. Before you get married and start a family, you've got to demand that he makes a choice.

Not easy, but stand firm,

Hope this information is helpful,
Thank you for writing All Experts

Good luck,

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com  

Addiction to Alcohol

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Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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