AboutAmarnath.B Expertise Helping build recovery in the lives of individuals, families and communities affected by alcoholism, drug dependency and related diseases.
Involved in counseling/rehabilitation.
Can answer any question on this subject.
Experience 8 Years of Counseling in chemical dependency.
Education/Credentials Graduate/Post Graduate
DLCAS Hazelden/Addiction Studies/Theory & Practice of Addiction Counseling/Dual Disorders.
HIV/AIDS & Substance Abuse.
Can answer any questions on Alcohol related problems.
Question Hello i have a Question about my boyfriend for years we have 1 child and another on the way. we both work days a week everyday he needs to have a beer when we go places he has more then One beer on the weekends he drinks so much i can't be around him. when we gets home will argue for a long amount of time until he just knocks out he'll say so many hateful stuff to me that i just brake down and cry but at the same time i know he's drunk and tomorrow when he wake's up it's like it never happen he does not remember nothing ill throw it in his face and he does not want to hear it. it kind of seems as if he's ashamed of him self i even try to record him so that way the next day he can see how he looks and all the harsh stuff he say's but he will not watch it he'll apologize all day if he has too.I do tent to get over it but it just happens when the weekend starts!!! what should i do?
Answer Hello Andrya,
Thank you for your question.
Now by description of your boyfriend's drinking it is difficult to establish if he is an alcoholic or not since I don't know the history of his drinking. There is a difference between alcohol abuse and dependence to alcohol which is alcoholism. Loss of control of drinking is addiction and addiction is a disease.
An alcoholic is a person who has lost the power of choice to drink. His mind is always preoccupied (even whilst drinking)as to when he can pick up his next drink. It is a physical, mental, emotional, & spiritual disease. Alcoholism may also refer to a preoccupation with or compulsion toward the consumption of alcohol and/or an impaired ability to recognize the negative effects of excessive alcohol consumption. A person who is addicted to alcohol feels he is missing something very important in life when he doesn't get it. Since I do not know the history of your husband's drinking, it is difficult for me to tell if your husband is an alcoholic or not. By your description, your husband does have a problem with alcohol and if he continues he would end up being an alcoholic.
All alcoholics have personality problems. They drink to escape from life, to counteract feelings of loneliness or inferiority, or because of some emotional conflict within them, so that they cannot adjust themselves to life. Alcoholics cannot stop drinking unless they find a way to solve their personality problems. Addiction is compulsion, loss of control and continued use despite the consequences, then someone who regularly and excessively uses alcohol and loses control while drinking, falls into two of these criteria and is at risk of developing alcoholism. Because of this emotional conflict he says the things that hurt you whe he is under the influence of alcohol. But the next morning he is in remorse, guilt, and shame. Now these are the signs & patterns of an alcoholic.
In an alcoholic relationship, the passive partner often suffers as much or more physically and psychologically as the alcoholics themselves. They can get caught up in the behavioral crises of alcoholics in ways which then affect their own behavior and physical and mental health. Poor communication and negative habits or schemes actually affects the other person and unconsciously he/she develops these negative patterns.
Your boyfriend needs help. It is time that you confronted him about his drinking before it is too late. Talk to him when he is sober. Ask him to seek help immediately. You should make it clear to him that you cannot continue to go on with this relationship unless he does something about his drinking. There is a way out for his problem. Alcoholics Anonymous is a self-help group which has helped thousands of alcoholics achieve sobriety and lead a peaceful and purposeful life. Contact the nearest AA group and have somebody come over and talk to your boyfriend. I also suggest you contact Al-Anon, a self-help group for families and friends of alcoholics. Here you will find like minded people who have suffered like you and have found a solution of how to handle their relationships with an alcoholic.
Andrya, you have to gather courage and take a positive step immediately. Alcoholism has destroyed millions of families and that is why it is also called called a Family Disease because everyone around the person who is drinking is affected. You have a whole life in front of you. Do not get entrapped in an alcoholics relationship. Both you and your husband need help. Like I said before, confront your boyfriend about his drinking and how it is destroying your relationship, contact AA and Al-Anon. I also suggest your boyfriend see an addiction counselor.
I pray things work out for you and your boyfriend, Andrya. Please do not hesitate to contact me for any questions or concerns.
