About Joseph Lee O. Expertise Greetings to you! Amidst the insufficiency of all the philosophical, religious and “self-help” approaches to relief from chronic alcoholism, I have personally experienced the content of “Alcoholics Anonymous”, the book. Thus, I can now explain at least the essence of the physical, mental and emotional aspects of an alcoholic's inherent condition and plight, and I can show why a spiritual solution is required and how it works and how to attain one.
Experience The oldest of four boys, I grew up in a religious, Midwestern-USA family. Unable to decline a friendly offer in a social setting, I had "no effective mental defense against the first drink" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 43), and took my very first drink ever at age 24 ... and within minutes I had become obsessed with getting more of the effect that glass of homemade wine had given me. Alcohol had just done something *for* me that nothing else had ever done; it had seemingly "fixed" something inside me I had not even known was broken.
Over the next seven years of my life, I "drank up" just about everything and everyone ever meaning much to me at all, and I eventually abandoned my young family so I could drink and smoke pot at will. For, you see, alcohol was giving me a good-to-go feeling about life and a sense of control I had never before had, and at least in the early days of my drinking it could kill just about any pain that came along.
At age 31, however, circumstances and consequences had piled up all around me in ways that were making it obvious I could not continue on much longer. Life had become too tough, my pains had grown too great and the dangers of continuing to drink had become too undeniable for me to be able to continue believing I might ultimately survive an inescapable drop to the bottom of the pit. I still wanted to be able to drink safely as in days past, but something had seemingly "taken over" my drinking and was dragging me completely out-of-control after just one drink. So, and even while completely overwhelmed by the thought of facing life alcohol-free, I decided to stop drinking altogether ... and I quickly discovered I could not. No matter what I said, thought or did even just "one day at a time", I always ended up drinking once again. Where I wanted to drink safely, I could not, and neither could I remain abstinent for very long at all ... and such is the physical "allergy" (where one drink takes another) coupled with alcoholism’s mental-emotional obsession for the effect of alcohol ...
... but then I met a small group of people who personally understood my deadly dilemma - my complete personal powerlessness - and those same folks were quite able to propose a permanent solution. I accepted, of course, and today it is as if I "could not drink even if [I] would" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 57), and for that I now remain unendingly grateful.
Question Hi Joseph,
My name is Nick aged 37 who has been experiencing problems with alcohol abuse since I was 18.
This has now reached the point where I have lost my partner, who I love dearly, and my family life with her three children. This isn't the first time as every partner and my wife have all left me due to my drinking.
The stupid thing is that they have all said that I am a lovely caring person who they love and are devoted to, until I start drinking. Luckily, I am not violent.
Drinking has also affected my working life. I am degree level educated and have worked for several of the largest software companies in the world. These jobs gave an incredible income which I have just wasted on drinking. I know that I have lost several of these great jobs by being drunk and looking like a drunk.
After loosing my last sales job, I decided that maybe the pressure of selling was a trigger to drink. This obviously is not the case as I continue to drink in a low pressure environment.
My ex partner seems to believe that my parents divorce may have an underlying effect. She is a very spiritual person as stressed to me that I need to be happy in myself before I can move forward.
I am worried that I am not just hurting partners but also my parents. Now I'm back home, my Mum is continually worried about what state I will come home in. Her worries about my health is also high.
The final impact drinking has had on my life is that i have been convicted of drink driving twice. If i get caught again, I will go to prison.
What have I done in the past to help myself. I have attended AA twice, but The approach didn't really suit me. I have taken periods of absenceness with help of medication which works to some extent. I then start sharing a bottle of wine, which increases to two bottles and so on. Then I'm back to square one.
I seem to find that any little hassle in life pushes me straight to drinking as a solution. This, I know, just makes things worse.
It is clear that unless I do something now, I will end up being a sad old man sat at the bar and going home to an empty house and life. Loosing Jo and the kids has been awful as I realise what damage I did to her and the kids.
I'm finding that I sit in the bar talking to people who aren't my friends, just other excessive drinker's. I am being excluded from social events because they don't know what state I will get into and if I'll fall over.
I know there is no quick fix, but some guidance is which direction to head would be appreciated.
Kind regards Nick
Answer Greetings to you, Nick.
You have written:
>> I seem to find that any little hassle in life pushes me straight to drinking as a solution. This, I know, just makes things worse.
You seem to me as a bright and intelligent man who can step back a bit and make rational assessments, so please allow me to place this in front of you:
Whenever I used to take a few drinks of alcohol, I would be amazed before I was halfway through. I would know a new freedom and a new happiness. I would no longer regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. I would comprehend the word serenity and I would know peace. I would see how my experience could benefit others. My feeling of uselessness and self-pity would disappear. I would lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in my fellows. Self-seeking would slip away. My whole attitude and outlook upon life would change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity would leave me. I would intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle me. I would suddenly realize alcohol was doing for me what I could not do for myself.
And now, please take a look at this shared experience from "Alcoholics Anonymous", the book:
“If we are painstaking about [taking the Twelve Steps], we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves [and alcohol could only do for brief periods of time that would ultimately leave us worse off than even before].”
Do you see? We are people who must have something done for us in order to not end up being that “sad old man sat at the bar and going home to an empty house and life” you have mentioned, at best, or placed in an early grave, at worst.
>> I have attended AA twice, but The approach didn't really suit me.
I suspect you might have never yet been exposed to the real A.A.
>> I know there is no quick fix, but some guidance is which direction to head would be appreciated.
Ultimately, here is our deal:
“If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer.” (page 44)
And, I share that within this context:
“If he is sincerely interested and wants to [talk some more], ask him to read this book in the interval. After doing that, he must decide for himself whether he wants to go on. He should not be pushed or prodded by you, his wife, or his friends. If he is to find God, the desire must come from within.
“If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience. We have no monopoly on God; we merely have an approach that worked with us. But point out that we alcoholics have much in common and that you would like, in any case, to be friendly. Let it go at that.” (page 95)
