AboutBeverley Glazer Expertise I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.
Experience I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.
Organizations NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association,
For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com
Education/Credentials BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor,
CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.
Question Help! I am a 56 year old divorced woman who has been with my current partner for 8 years. We have been living together for 5 years. I was aware he was a "heavy" social drinker but I did not realize he was an alcoholic. I moved in with him because I could no longer afford to live in my home and my home is rented to someone else. If I decide to leave him, I will have to move 550 miles away and live with my Mother.
I have talked and offered help and he doesn't want to stop. He can't drink 1 or 2 drinks to "relax". If theres is a bottle around..he drinks until it's empty. If he passes out when he awakens, he goes and buys more. He has on occassion drank a 5th of liquor a day. He thinks because the weekend rolls around that it's an excuse to start in the morning and drink all day. Every holiday is a reason to drink.He has started drinking again on a daily basis.
He was laid off from his job just after we met. Since that time he has had a job working from home, commission sales, that lasted about 3 months before he was laid off due to his sales quots. Then he got a part-time job at night that lasted for 1 1/2 years...he got fired. Now he is sales again working from home...commission sales again. He seems to find jobs where he can work from home so that it doesn't interfere with his drinking. He has been depressed about his job situation and low income but refused to find a job outside the home where he can draw a steady income and have medical insurance.
I work full time and have the entire time we ahve been together. I have health issues and all this stress isn't helping.
He doesn't remember things anymore, blacks out and beside my anger over his continued drinking...I am concerned about his health. This man has never been married and has no family. I have a deep fear of leaving him alone and what will happen to him if I leave. However, I know that alcoholism is a disease and it is his problem, not mine. I do love him and would be willing to help him fith this battle but it seems he is bound for self distruction.
I am at the point of having no peace, no happiness and no joy. I can't satnd to be in the same room with him when he drinks and I can no longer look forward to the weekend because I know what awaits me. I don't know if I leave if it will make any difference ot not. He's told me before that if I leave him..he will kill himself. My response was...isn't that what you're already doing?
Two nights ago, I came home from work (I was in a lot of pain because a serious back problem) and after work had bought groceries. When I got home, he finally cmae outside to help bring the groceries inside. He was drunk, again. He has been drinking every day this week. He opened one of the packages of food while I was trying to put the groceries away and started eating. Bags of groceries were all over the kitchen. I needed to sit down for a few minutes and rest after putting away all the groceries. I started watching a dvd movie. He was watching with me. After about 30 or 45 minutes...I looked over and he was out cold. I got up and went into the kitchen to have some of the food left from the package ge had opened. He had eaten all of it...knowing I had worked all day and hadn't eaten anything. All of a sudden, from the kitchen I hear the movie stop..the channel changing on the TV. So, I go back and ask why did you stop my movie..his response was...I didn't know you were watching a movie! Then he struggles to get out of the recliner and goes back to refill his drink.
I became so angry. I lost control and said a lot of things..all of them I meant. I told him that I had no respect for him anymore...and I don't.
I told him I was leaving because I can't stand it anymore and I deserve a better life and so does he. I chooses this life and he chooses everytime he opens another bottle and begins to drink. The most hurtful and painful thing is that has chosen a bottle over me.
I am angry that he is forcing me to put him out of my life.
Answer Hi Susan,
As you know, you are living with an alcoholic and he has no intention of changing. The stress of this relationship will effect you both physically and emotionally, so you have no real choice - either he changes, or you have to.
Alcoholics usually get into codependent relationships, so it would be helpful to read this:
You should also go to Alanon meetings. These meetings are for family members of the alcoholic and they will not only be supportive, but they'll give you strength and suggestions if you have to move on.
I hope this information is helpful, and if you need more advice, please let me know,
