AboutRebos Expertise If you think that you or someone that you care about is having a problem with alcohol, ask me a question, I may be able to help you. I have over 39 years of experience dealing with alcohol recovery and I am willing to share that experience with you. Alcoholism is a disease, and there is no shame in being an alcoholic. The shame is in doing nothing about it!
Experience Over 39years of experience in the field of alcoholism and alcoholic recovery.
Question My oldest sister (53) is an alcoholic and a larygnectomee cancer survivor (3 yr survivor). She has lost much in the last 3 years (business, home, husband (also an alcoholic, died of cirrosis), her own health) and been retreating and withdrawing more and more from family and any social interaction. She is purposely avoiding me (her only local relative) and makes excuses when I attempt to come to visit. She doesn't answer the phone or return my calls (or anyone else's). She will only return my call these days if I indicate an intention to come over to check on her (we live 5 mi apart). She has gone 2 weeks w/o going to the mail box and 2 days w/o opening her door. She has admitted her consumption to her doctor, but we suspect it is more. She has recently fallen in her apartment (lives alone) and was horribly bruised on one side of her body. She shows all the signs of severe depression, but she believes she is 'fine' and doesn't need to go to the doctor (oncologist or PCP). She had lab work performed in March 2009 and her liver labs were HORRIBLE. She was asked to come back for more tests, but has not initiated the appointments. When I make appointments for her (with her permission) she cancels/reschedules, or misses them altogether. She looks like death warmed over. She has asked me to get off her back, to stop pushing her, and to leave her alone. I can't give up on her. I want to pursue getting her committed for treatment, she is harmful to herself and is not taking care of herself on a daily basis. I don't believe she would consent to treatment. My family and I tried an intervention many years ago (with a treatment program waiting to take her) but she refused and denied she had a drinking problem. How do I get through to her to let me help her. She keeps telling me 'she can do it' (simple things like take out the garbage, vacuum the floor), but she is NOT doing it. She is spending most of her time in the bedroom watching TV, and keeps her wine in the closet within 3 steps of her bed. I do not know what to do any longer, but I can't just sit by and watch her slowly kill herself.
Answer Good morning Jan and thank you for your question.
It certainly seems like your sister is very, very depressed and since alcohol is a depressant she is compounding her problem.
Unfortunately, there is little that you can do to get your sister to stop drinking unless she gets sick and tired of being sick and tired. Until your sister hits her bottom she can't stop drinking on her own willpower. It's disheartening though that a bottom is as low as a person can go plus six feet!
Whether you know it or not alcoholism is a terminal disease that may end up killing your sister. You should be going to Alanon. You may not be able to do anything about your sister’s drinking problem but you can do something about the problem that has developed in YOUR life by having an alcoholic in it. At Alanon you will find out what you can do to help her by first learning to help yourself. Alanon can be reached by calling: 1-800-344-2666 (United States# or 1-800-443-4525 #Canada). Alanon is where you will get better. What you need... is to listen to others who are or have been in a similar situation that you are now in and have found an answer to their problem. I guarantee that if you attend Alanon regularly, and work on yourself you will get better. That’s not to say that your sister will get better because you go to Alanon, but you will learn how to detach from her illness with love and learn to hate the disease and not its victim. You have to give Alanon a chance to work for you. It may be possible for you to learn how to raise your sister’s drinking bottom but if not, at least you will not become an enabler you will learn how to live in peace with yourself and the family that you may have. Alanon is where you will get all of your questions answered. If you have any further questions please send me a follow-up.
