Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 7/10/2009

Question
I feel so utterly helpless.  I have a 31yr old divorced daughter of two years who is now living with us and has turned to drinking heavily for solace.  She's been binge drinking for about 2 years now, locking her bedroom door and isolating herself for days at a time.  When she sobers up, she doesn't know what day it is, etc.  She steals out in the middle of the night to liquor stores, drives impaired, and goes back into her room not to be seen again for days.  This goes on at least every 6-7 days.  I'm being destroyed watching her destroy herself, and can't sleep myself with all the worry she is causing me.  Is there any way I can help her?

Answer
Hello Ann,
What a difficult situation for you! Three out of five of my children have had addiction problems; the anguish and pain involved in watching your children destroying themselves with alcohol is difficult to bear.

I have several points to make that I hope will be helpful. First of all, I suggest that you get some help for yourself to learn about alcoholism and its effects on you and those close to you, and how to not only reduce the damage to you but how to not engage in behaviors that may unintentionally result in supporting your daughter's drinking problem. It is rare that an individual with an alcohol problem will decide to stop drinking and seek help without some pain and consequences. By allowing your daughter to live in your home and drink destructively, you are inadvertently supporting her ability to continue to drink. You can check out my website for help: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com/ Al-Anon, http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ the 12 Step Program for those in a relationship with an alcoholic, has free information and many free meetings to attend in most metropolitan areas of the U.S.

When you feel comfortable doing so, I suggest that you, and other adults living in your home, work toward sitting your daughter down and explaining your concerns about her drinking, and state, if you are ready to do so, that you cannot allow her to remain in your house unless she stops drinking and gets help, either through formal treatment and/or attendance of meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous: http://www.aa.org/ Good luck to you,
Jan Edward Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com
jwilliams@alcoholdrugsos.com