Expert: Druideck - 8/1/2009

Question
I am not a regular drinker. I haven't drank in several months. I decided to go out with some friends, one of them being an ex that I am still deeply in love with. I had a few shots of tequila and felt all of the emotions that I have been keeping inside wanting to come out. I haven't talked to him much about our past relationship because I wanted to give him space. Well I continued to drink and after finishing a fifth of tequila I don't remember anything but he told me I said some very hurtful things and I was very angry. I guess some of the things I said were complete opposite of how I feel and he says that he's always been told that people tell the truth when drunk and wont talk to me at all. I know if I said things that bad I didn't mean them. I am never drinking again, I regret it all and wish that it had never happened. Is it true that you speak your true feelings when drunk or could I have been expressing other emotions because I was dumped?

Answer
Kirsten,

It  is true that alcohol can reduce our inhibitions.
Some of the feelings we have repressed may
come out when drinking because of this.
But, also alcohol can distort our perceptions
and our vision of events and people.
This means that you likely have many
honest feelings and fears that you were
expressing but also the events and feelings
may be exaggerated from the reality.
Alcohol magnifies everything  so the feelings
you expressed may be somewhat true
but also somewhat distorted.
Only you know how you feel about
things, if you are honest with yourself
then you will acknowledge your feelings
of hurt or fears for the future.
When you hold pain inside it
naturally becomes greater
and perhaps in trying to give him
space you failed to acknowledge
your real feelings about him and
tried to brush away your disappointment.
You can not control how others think or feel
or act. But you can start to support your own
feelings and look for ways to better express
your hurt. Talk it out with a trusted friend,
and then let go so you and this fellow
can move on to better things.
He and you both have a right to
live as you desire. If he doesn't
love you then he is not the person
for you. The longer you hold on
the longer it will take for someone
better to enter your life.
Being drunk has distorted the real
emotions you have buried inside,
your reaction was not true but
affected by the distortion of
real feelings by the chemical action
alcohol has on the brain and on thought
processes.
Make amends as best you can and move on with confidence
in your lovability.