Expert: Clyde - 8/10/2009

Question
Hi Clyde, this is actually the third time I am writing you. It is hard to believe that I stayed in my situation for so long. I am married to a verbally abusive delusional alcoholic. He has been in and out of the house probably 20 times in the last 6 months. I do attend alanon and I was hoping that he would return to AA which he attended for a brief time. When he is out of the house he lives in his car, even though he makes $1400.00 a week! He is always broke. Living in his car is not his bottom. I kept feeling sorry for him and after a few days in his car I would let him return. New deals and promises would be made and then after one day he would start drinking. Then the accusations about my alleged affair would start, and accusations that I was stealing his money.  When he drinks he will lock himself in our bedroom and talk to himself for hours. It is truly insane and sad. It really is a Jekyll and Hyde disease. When we first met he was a wonderful caring person. Now is is a angry miserable person. I did call a lawyer and am going to try to make a decision and stick with it. I have to accept that he is not getting better,even though at one time he said being around me and our son was as good as going to an AA meeting and incentive to be sober. I can only hope that if I really let him go he he will eventually get sober and be a good person in his sons life, if not my husband. I guess some people do wake up and help themselves and some just do not. Thanks again. Laurel

Answer
Laurel,
    Thank you for the follow-up and I am sorry that things are not getting any better for your alcoholic husband and,therefore, for you and your family.  It is a delusional, sad, depressing disease.

    I have sat with drunks who do talk to themselves as if they were truly having a conversation.  Some recovering people call these the "little voices" or the "People in their head."  They learn that they are not to listen to these any longer and eventually the voices stop.  It is sad but intriguing to listen to these conversations.

    I support your decisions for yourself and for your son.  Your husband is not correct when he says you and your son are just as good as  AA for incentive.  Not so.  We must get sober for ourselves and ourselves alone.  We say "wife or no wife, job or no job, we do not drink."  Your husband will have to learn this the hard way.  Perhaps minus the wife and family.

    Thanks again for letting me know what is happening and do write again if I can be of any further help or listening ear.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde