Expert: Beverley Glazer - 8/11/2009

Question
Hi my bestfriend is a recent retiree of the us army and is a RAGING alcoholic. He will drink everyday starting around 6pm and usually consumes at least a 12 pack of beer and a medium sized bottle of liquor. He has lost his job due to the drinking and lies about why he got fired to people. When I ask him to cut back he tells me that I am no fun because I do not drink and it is normal for 23 year olds to drink as much as he does. He calls me all the time when drunk and tells me how bad his life is and that he isn't an alcoholic and is going to kill himself. My friend also steals money from his mother to supply his habit and verbally abuses her and his grandmother. In January he drove drunk got a DWI, nearly killed a woman and destroyed his grandmothers car. Even after the DWI he continues to drive drunk because he feels as though he will not get caught and he should be allowed to because he is a veteran. The veterans hospital has BEGGED him to seek treatment but he refuses. Another issue is that his mom after yelling at him about drinking, buys him more alcohol! We have been friends for 7 years but it feels like I do not know him anymore. He has said that he doesn't care that I feel uncomfortable around him when he is drunk. I am at a loss of what to do. Should I end the friendship? I have been dealing with this for 2 years now and have tried many different approaches. I feel that the situation is hopeless. Thank you for reading

Answer
Hi Justin,

I wish I could be more helpful, but as you've seen its pretty impossible to help an alcoholic when they refuse help.

The big problem here is he is being enabled by his mother. Although he verbally abuses her and goodness knows what else, she thinks she's being 'nice' by providing him with drink.

Here are some treatments available for alcoholics:

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/treatment-available.html

Your friend is really very lucky because he can also be helped by Veterans Affairs.

As for his mom, it would be helpful for her to go to Al-Anon meetings. There would be many women in her situation and she can get to understand her enabling and become stronger.

In the mean time stand firm. Tell your friend that he's killing himself with drink and that you can't stand watching him do it. Tell him not to call you when he's drunk, and don't take any verbal abuse.

This man is incapable of being a best friend right now, because his real best friend is the bottle.

Tell him that you are there for him, but only if he gets help.

Good luck!!

I hope this information is helpful,
Thank you for asking AllExperts.

Beverley Glazer

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com