Expert: Beverley Glazer - 8/31/2009

Question
my brother is living at home with my parents.  he has had two dui's and drinks until my mom has to take him to the hospital.  he had stopped drinking on june 15th.  he has no job, no car, nothing.  my parents buy him a bus pass every month because he just started taking a class and they want him to continue going to school.  he is 28 years old.  
my parents left on a cruise yesterday and i drove by their house and there he was falling over himself walking home from the liquor store on the corner.  i watched him go inside and i went in behind him and confronted him and tried to throw out his vodka but he wouldnt let me.  he told me that his girlfriend was pregnant and just hugged me and cried.  i pleaded with him to throw out the vodka because i dont want to find him dead and i dont want to worry about him.  he wouldnt. i left him and im afraid that he is going to give my parents a heart attack and my parents refuse to kick him out.  i feel that once they hear the news about the baby they will enable him even more.  my husband wants me to stay away but i dont think i can.  i feel bad about not forcing him to throw out the vodka, but i had my kids in the car waiting for me and i wasnt sure what he was capable of to try to stop me.  i love him but i kind of hate him sometimes.  you'll probably tell me the same thing my husband is telling me but i need to hear it from someone else.

Answer
Hi Sonya,

The first thing I can tell you is not to feel badly about not forcing your brother to stop drinking vodka. No one can stop an alcoholic from drinking. If he wants to drink, he will.

The problem here is that your parents really don't know what to do. They want him to clean up his act. They don't want to throw him out of the house because they know he has a problem, and they want him to continue at school. They have the best intentions, but they don't understand that there are many emotional issues that your brother has been masking with drink.

Your brother not only has to stop drinking, but he also has to work through his issues. One way he can do this, is to go to AA meetings and get himself a sponsor. When he has a sponsor, he should work the steps.

If AA is not for him, these are the treatments that are available:
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/treatment-available.html

It would also be helpful for you and your parents to go to Al-Anon meetings. These meetings are for family members of alcoholics, and you'll get to understand how not to enable your brother, or feel guilty when you stand up to him.

Both you and your parents are being driven to distraction by your brother's behavior, and there is nothing that you can do about it except to demand that he gets help. If he's living in your parent's house, they have the right to make demands.

Thank you for asking AllExperts,
I hope this information is helpful,

Beverley Glazer
http://www.untwist-your-thinking..com