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Addiction to Alcohol/david's question / your answer
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Question
hello joseph. i have a question about your response to david's question. he had mentioned in his story that he told his girlfriend if she continued to drink, he would leave the relationship, which he has done. now he appears to be feeling guilty about that. i can very much relate to that. i really liked most of your answer to him, but i am confused about how he can be her "champion" if he is not in the relationship with her.. again, i am in very much the same place. to me, it just seems as if i called this person (in my case anyway it would have to be a phone call)..to offer my support - would not i be saying "i really didn't draw my line in the sand. my bottom line was not really a bottom line". or am i not seeing this correctly? i feel so very much like i should have said this to my boyfriend (i actually did, but he said he wanted to try to quit himself, which i expected) but then shortly thereafter i got so frustrated w/ his behavior that i ended it in an angry manner. thank you for your words of wisdom.
when you are in our seat, sound advice seems like a life-line because this "leaving them" is really very difficult
thanks! h-
Greetings to you, H.
You have written:
>> i am confused about how he can be her "champion" if he is not in the relationship with her..
>> to me, it just seems as if i called this person ... to offer my support - would not i be saying "i really didn't draw my line in the sand. my bottom line was not really a bottom line". or am i not seeing this correctly?
I perceive being one’s “champion” and offering “support” as very different things. As your “champion”, I would willingly give up my own life to try to save yours in contrast to simply being a friend in support of your own actions.
>> i feel so very much like i should have said this to my boyfriend (i actually did, but he said he wanted to try to quit himself, which i expected) ...
There is no “support” that could brought success to his efforts to be his own champion.
>> i got so frustrated w/ his behavior that i ended it in an angry manner.
I have recently experienced a lot of frustration with someone, and the One who created us cries with us in such times. He wants us to be “happy, joyous and free” and He knows we need others in our lives in order for that to be possible. Personally, I just keep doing my best to remain steady on this path while trying to keep my projections and expectations in relation to the actions of others both realistic and reasonable.
>> "leaving them" is really very difficult
I understand.
Please know you are always welcomed to write.
Joseph Lee
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Answers by Expert:
Joseph Lee O.
Expertise
Greetings to you! Amidst the insufficiency of all the philosophical, religious and “self-help” approaches to relief from chronic alcoholism, I have personally experienced the content of “Alcoholics Anonymous”, the book. Thus, I can now explain at least the essence of the physical, mental and emotional aspects of an alcoholic's inherent condition and plight, and I can show why a spiritual solution is required and how it works and how to attain one.
Experience
The oldest of four boys, I grew up in a religious, Midwestern-USA family. Unable to decline a friendly offer in a social setting, I had "no effective mental defense against the first drink" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 43), and took my very first drink ever at age 24 ... and within minutes I had become obsessed with getting more of the effect that glass of homemade wine had given me. Alcohol had just done something *for* me that nothing else had ever done; it had seemingly "fixed" something inside me I had not even known was broken.
Over the next seven years of my life, I "drank up" just about everything and everyone ever meaning much to me at all, and I eventually abandoned my young family so I could drink and smoke pot at will. For, you see, alcohol was giving me a good-to-go feeling about life and a sense of control I had never before had, and at least in the early days of my drinking it could kill just about any pain that came along.
At age 31, however, circumstances and consequences had piled up all around me in ways that were making it obvious I could not continue on much longer. Life had become too tough, my pains had grown too great and the dangers of continuing to drink had become too undeniable for me to be able to continue believing I might ultimately survive an inescapable drop to the bottom of the pit. I still wanted to be able to drink safely as in days past, but something had seemingly "taken over" my drinking and was dragging me completely out-of-control after just one drink. So, and even while completely overwhelmed by the thought of facing life alcohol-free, I decided to stop drinking altogether ... and I quickly discovered I could not. No matter what I said, thought or did even just "one day at a time", I always ended up drinking once again. Where I wanted to drink safely, I could not, and neither could I remain abstinent for very long at all ... and such is the physical "allergy" (where one drink takes another) coupled with alcoholism’s mental-emotional obsession for the effect of alcohol ...
... but then I met a small group of people who personally understood my deadly dilemma - my complete personal powerlessness - and those same folks were quite able to propose a permanent solution. I accepted, of course, and today it is as if I "could not drink even if [I] would" ("Alcoholics Anonymous", the book, page 57), and for that I now remain unendingly grateful.
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