Expert: Druideck - 8/17/2009

Question
Hi, I was trying to find something on the internet and came across this sight, I hope you may be able to help me as best as possible.
My husband and I have been married for 6 years and together for almost 10 years now. We have drank at times but nothing unusual at least for me I only drink on occasion and I don't know if he drinks more than I know of. Except when my husband drinks he gets really mean and ornery after quite a few hours or even the next day after he has drank. I have been putting 2 and 2 together it is a pattern it seems as if when he has drank. I know he has told me when he was younger he had gotten a DUI. And he says he doesn't like drunks, but it just doesn't seem right that he says these things and then every time after he drinks he gets the way I described above. It is as though he hasn't told me the whole story of his years before we had met and maybe he is a alcoholic that tries to keep it from getting out of hand and has issues he is dealing with within himself or something it seems as if. I don't know but something just isn't quite right. Could you possibly give me some help or things to look/signs for? I would be most appreciative, I just want to know if I may possibly have a husband who is a alcoholic and doesn't want me to know so he may drink when he pleases. Thank you so much for all your help, Cheryl

Answer
Cheryl,

Even though it is possible your husband has
drinking issues it is also possible he
just has some emotional issues that may
or may not be related to drinking.
But as you say he only has these moods after
he drinks which is a bit suspicious.

Alcoholism is characterized often by personality
changes but also involves a physical compulsion
to drink even when circumstances dictate
they shouldn't. It may involve problems
with the law, relationships, work and
much denial and dishonesty.

Alcoholics often hide their drinks and
drinking or try to deny or cover up
any excessive drinking they do.
They will often choose not to attend
social events without alcohol.
They often end up with lower companions
that will accept or join them in their
drinking.

They become very defensive when accused of
abusing alcohol.
Over time they become more immune to the
effects of alcohol and only drink
to feel "normal"

They may have health problems related
to drinking such as liver dysfunction.
If his drinking and/or his behaviour
is starting to bother you this may
indicate something is wrong.

If he changes his behaviour it will ultimately
be up to him. Some people are unwilling to
seek help or change for their spouses.
This is something that happens with
or without alcohol problems.

If he has trouble staying away from alcohol
even when it seems to make him feel bad
that may be a warning sign that he is becoming
dependent on alcohol.

If he is willing there are some tests online here:

http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/alcohol-cage/index.html

http://www.mhsanctuary.com/tests/alcotest.htm


Also, there are alcohol agencies in most
cities that can counsel a person.

For yourself you may want to attend a
few Al-Anon meetings to gather some
information for yourself.

Good luck! Take care.