Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 8/25/2009

Question
QUESTION: why do alcoholics keep the empty bottles. it it a cry for help. even if they say they arnt drinking

ANSWER: Hello Lisa,
I am sory that your sister has a problem with alcohol. Alcoholism is a powerful disease that causes intelligent people to act in irrational ways. For example, alcoholics have reported hiding liquor bottles even though they live alone; the reason for that behavior is probably related to trying to protect their supply of alcohol. I don't have enough information to answer your question as to why alcoholcs might keep empty bottles. I can guess that not taking them out to trash pick up may in some way connect with denial that they have a problem, or not wanting to be seen carrying a lot of bottles in a trash bag (one alcoholic told me he didn't want the neighbors to hear the bottles clinking together). Alcoholism, as I said at the beginning, can result in irrational, even paranoid thinking and behaviors. You asked whether not keeping empties though the person says she is not drinking, could be a cry for help. No one alcoholic is the same as another, but my experience is that alcoholics in denial do not usually ask for help in that kind of indirect way, but I would need more information to try to understand that behavior. Being untruthful and getting caught in lies is a normal part of the web of alcoholism. It would be important to be direct with your sister letting her know in a caring way that you are aware she is still drinking, are concerned about her, and want her to get help. Check my website for more information and help. Good luck.
Jan Edward Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com
jwilliams@alcoholdrugsos.com

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thankyou for you reply..it was very usefull. i must explain that my sister is 26.she has a little girl aged 4 and she lives on her own with her daughter around the corner from her parents. she has had problems with alcohol ever since she started drinking as a teenager.we have all tried to help her and get her to get some help but she says she has no problem. when she went to the doctors a couple of years ago because of back pain the doctor said she was on the verge of cirrosis..liver falier. that hit home and she said she would stop.

about 4months ago she accused my dad of abusing her daughter. she has a video of molly admitting to it. i was outraged. the police were called and an interveiw carried out with molly. now the investigation has been stopped because she hasnt said anything else.ive heard so many different sides to so many stories i really do not know who to believe. its getting out of control. i think my sister is lying because she always has done. she says she hears things outside her house and accusses my dad of breaking into her house and moving things.she hears tapping on her windows and is impossible to wake up. whenever i see her shes shaking.she says she drinks to much coffee thats why. and she always smells like booze.she used to eat onions to descuize the smell.shes even told me she needs  drink in the mornings to stop her shaking.i really dont know what to do anymore. could she be so convinced all this is reality that she doesnt know shes lying?? please help :-)

ANSWER: Hello Lisa,
The situation you describe is most upsetting, especially because of the abusive impact of your sister's apparent alcoholism on her little girl. And, yes, the denial and toxic effects of chronic alcoholism on the brain can cause your sister to be paranoid and out of touch with reality. However, this situation is very complex, with legal issues in addition to the alcoholism. The suggested course of action I am now about to propose should be considered carefully, perhaps with advice from an attorney and mental health professionals. Your sister's apparent paranoia may be due to serious mental health problems perhaps co-existing with the alcoholism. There are no easy solutions to this problem. I suggest focusing on the four year old, perhaps attempting to get Social Services involved. Indeed, it may be that the potential loss of her daughter might be the leverage needed to help your sister to seek treatment. If you could report this matter to the legal authorites as a potential child abuse problem (anonymous reporting is allowed in some jurisdictions), you may be able to get both your sister and her daughter some help. If your sister's condition is as bad as you describe, it should be apparent to a competent investigator. Check here for information: To get help in the U.S., call:
1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) – Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline. Good luck.
Jan Edward Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com
jwilliams@alcoholdrugsos.com


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thankyou for your reply. we are in the uk and have involved social services. my sister has a lady come help her with her finances.mollys schooling and her general day to day chores. shes also got a social worker for her daughter who delt with the case against my dad. she has been working with molly for nearly 2 years because sarah has needed help over the years. she cant seem to get herself out of trouble..every couple of months there seems to be a 'disaster' envolving my family or anyone from the village or just her.

we arnt sure about saraahs mental health. my mom seems to think she hasnt been able to mature because of the drinking. its like shes still 16. she cant seem to function like an adult. her house is a digusting mess and it takes my mom to go in there every few months to clean it.she cant organise herself and pay her bills ontime. even tho they are only a few pounds because she is on benifits.and she doesnt take her daughter to playschool because shes scared of people. she has created in her home a hole to hide in. she barracades herself in there with molly and rarely answers the door. and when she does go out and meets up with me her behaviour is odd. she rarely takes her baseball cap of..doesnt make eye contact with people and has panic atacks if surrounded by lots of people.its come to the point where we dont know what to do.
do you think the alcohol may have caused some kind of mental breakdown ?? another thing i am quite worried about is that she craves attention.shes had affairs and cheated on almost every bloke shes been with...when my brother was 16 she tryed to 'rape' him. shes been sleeping with her cousin.tried it on with my mom and dad. that in my eyes is not normal behaviour. when shes drunk she is very hard to control. she gets angry and attacks people (unprevoked) and im really quite worried. do you think a detox program..rehab maybe would work??

Answer
Lisa,
All of what you describe can be explained by the effects of long term alcohol addiction, or co-existing mental health problems, or even brain damage. A lengthy period of abstinence would be required to sort out her problems. I do think treatment and abstinence, hopefully with ongoing support in 12 Step spiritually based programs could vastly improve her condition. Detox of a few days will not help. Residential treatment, followed by long term outpatient treatment and AA attendance are indicated. I hope your sister gets help. She is fortunate to have someone like you to continue to care about her. Let me know what happens though my email: jwilliams@alcoholdrugsos.com
Jan Edward Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com