I am a 49-yr old female that has been sober now for 5 yrs. and love it. My significant other, who is 51 yo has been living with me for 2 yrs. and started working for me about a year ago. He is a vital part of my vacation rental business in Florida, and we are planning on moving to FL the end of Sep 09 for 6 months and then coming back to MN for the summer months to be with family. Over the past 2 yrs, he has asked me to marry him, I finally have said yes. However, he is a drinker, and my concern is my commitment to a drinker. I know it is not healthy for me to be in a relationship with a drinker, although I have not had the urge to drink. Before I met him, he drank everyday. We have talked about his drinking many times. He now drinks 3-4 times per week, but when he drinks, most of the time he gets drunk, minimum 8-10 beers, which I think is excessive. This past weekend he got totally drunk both Fri & Sat nite (12-14+ beers each nite). I am sure this would count as excessive drinking. On Sunday, I told him that his drinking is getting out of control and I wanted him to quit altogether. I asked him to leave that day and to think about stopping drinking and he is now living with his adult daughter. He said he will quit totally starting Sunday, but I am having my doubts, he has been drunk every nite since he left on Sunday. I think he needs professional help and he said he can stop on his own. I love him dearly and he is a huge asset to my business, but I am scared because of the drinking and how I can continue to tolerate it or should I even tolerate it. He is not abusive at all and a very nice guy, just drinks. Should I let him go completely OR give him a chance to quit drinking OR tell him to come back if he can cutdown on the # of beers. Should I even allow him to drink in my house? Am I being SELFISH by asking him to quit drinking for my sake? I am only 3 weeks from moving to Florida, and don't know if I should do it alone or with him along--we have been planning this move for about a year now, and are very excited. Should I let him return to my house and help him be sober?
Please give me your input.
Thanks,
Pam
Answer Dear Pam
It is up to you to decide whether being around alcohol all of the time is a threat to your sobriety. I could not do that, but it is your sobriety. You may want to go to Alanon, but they would probably tell you not to throw yourself into that situation. "Detach with love". Good luck.
