Expert: Jan Edward Williams - 9/8/2009

Question
My brother is an alcoholic, he has been in detox many times, in a treatment program, goes to AA occasionally, but yet he continues to drink heavily, until he passes out or becomes severely ill.  Family and friends are burned out by his behavior and are at our wit's end to know what to say or do.  We do not want him to become homeless and a "lost" person but he does not want help and uses all the  "treatment" talk in his conversations with us. Any suggestions?

Answer
Hello Donna,
I regret the pain that you and your family are experiencing with your brother. I have a 44 year old daughter who so far continues to drink herself to death. Alcoholism is a devastating disease to all affected by it. So, I have no specific resolution to your situation. Alcoholics, especially treatment wise ones rarely stop until they experience enough pain and consequences to have to stop. Unfortunately some pursue drinking to the point of homelessness, even death. I do not know where you and your family members are in regard to understanding alcoholism and how to avoid enabling the alcoholic to continue to drink. Though the position i am about to suggest you all take is difficult and may not be possible at this point, it may be a goal for you all to seek to attain. In my view it is important for all family members to give a consistent message to your brother that while they love him they cannot pretend he is not an alcoholic and that, therefore, will not continue in relationships with him until he gets sober and stays sober a significant period of time, and then allow him whatever consequences may befall him due to his drinking. This approach is, of course, risky and agonizingly difficult to take. I strongly suggest you all consider attending Al-Anon (http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/) for information and support. Check out my website for more information and proferssional help. good luck.
Jan Edward Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
www.alcoholdrugsos.com
jwilliams@alcoholdrugsos.com