Expert: Druideck - 9/20/2009

Question
Can you force someone to attend AA meetings when you know they need them?  If so, can this ever succeed?  I have hopes that perhaps my daughter will "see the light" if I make her go to these meetings.  Is that possible?

Answer
Ann,

AA is voluntary and accepts people
back anytime with no problem.

Sometimes the criminal courts will order
a person to attend counselling,
treatment or AA as it sees fit.

If she has committed no legal
crime then she can not be forced
to attend other than by parental
pressure such as "if you want to
live here you will attend 3 meetings
a week".

If you refuse to accept her behaviour
than she will have to get help
or move out. Other than that kind
of threat there is no real way to
force change upon a person.

She may decide she would rather leave
than get help.

Often people are told to go to
30 meetings in 30 days.
They may hopefully grasp some new sober ideas
if they attend regularly for a few months.

Success however depends on the individual.
She may have to experience much pain
before she breaks her denials.
Alcoholics are very stubborn and
only when things are very bad will they
accept change. This is unfortunate.

Don't do anything that contributes to her problem.
Don't lend money for example.
If she complains only make aggreements that
include attending AA and also contact AA
so she has to get a signature from
a responsible member. Attend an open sunday
meeting of AA so you know what goes on
and get to know someone that
can sign an attendence sheet for her.
You have to keep records or she
will just pretend to attend, believe me,
I know how sneaky drinkers can be.

You may have to let go for awhile
and let her hit some walls emotionally.
When she is ready for help, then be there for her.

Take care!