Expert: Druideck - 9/13/2009

Question
My son is 27 and was in hospital for depression and anxiety.  I know he drank a lot while in college, but i thought this was the usual partying stage of a young mans life.  But since he finished college, he appeared to be very depressed and down and felt suicidal and was admitted to hospital for treatment.  But he neglected to mention to his councellors that he drinks, he is always the one who gets drunk first and the one to pass out first.  Now he drinks and takes antidepressants as well. I fear for him so much. He has admitted to me that he has a problem, he said that possibly the drinking was causing the depression, but he did not tell this to his therapist while in hospital.  He also feels alone, he thinks that he has no friends now, he appears to have isolated himself from them all.  He appears to be very sad and lonely all the time. we feel so sad for him, i have tried to talk to him, to advise him, he went to two AA meetings and had to leave because he got a "panic attack".  He is a wonderful son, but this side of him is breaking our hearts, Can we do anything to help him.

Answer
Good day,

It is common for problem drinkers
to develop some emotional difficulties
due to the chemical nature of alcohol.

Alcohol by nature is a central nervous
system depressant.
It helps to supress the anxiety we may
be feeling and often people use drinking
to cope with things they need to
develop in order to handle stress
and loneliness more naturally.

It will be very hard for him to get
his emotions and thoughts in order
while drinking. It works against
recovery in these areas.

First he may need to come to grips
with his denial of a drinking problem.
Once he has accepted his need to
stop drinking if he is to survive
then healing of the other problems
can be addressed.

This is where the AA program excells.
Sure it is uncomfortable at first.
It is completely normal to feel
anxiety when starting something that
you are not familiar with.
This is normal for almost every
recovering drinker.

It is important to give yourself
to this program for at least a few
months if one expects to get any
benefit.

He should understand that these
feelings he is having will heal and
he will not always feel the way he
does now.

The feelings of despair, loneliness,
being different, anxiety
and the feelings that you
live alone in a fog of separateness
will all lift in time if he attends
AA regularly.
The meetings help us to feel less alone.
We start to think better thoughts.
We start to mature and are able to handle
stress better.
I am 23 years sober with the help
of the AA twelve steps.

I felt all the emptiness and
sadness and self-pity your
son is feeling now.

I can only tell him that
if he attends AA until he
feels a desire to attend
his whole life will change.
He may feel like running away
but now is the time to stop
running and accept help from
people who care and who have
been where he is at right now.

He will see he is one of us
someday and that he is never
alone. There are people that
know the blackness he feels
and there is a light at the end
of the tunnel.
All it takes is surrender
and acceptance of a very simple
program. The program is we
admit we need help and accept
that help without fighting
anyone or anything.
This is freedom of the spirit
and I can not explain it other
than say I am so grateful I
stayed long enough to learn
what AA was trying to tell me.

I hope your son will start
by at least realizing he has
to accept help.
Start reading the big book of AA
online or buy a copy.
It was written long ago
but the methods of recovery work
and I and many others are proof of that.

Tell him a day will come when
he will feel different and
that must be the hope he holds
within to keep him going.

I would suggest that a treatment
program in a recovery center
or alcohol counselling may also be beneficial.

He may still be in denial of his
alcohol problem.
Awareness of this can take time.
I hope he will realize early on
that much of his depression and
feelings are coming from the
alcohol chemicals effects on his thinking
processes.

Take care!