Expert: Clyde - 9/8/2009

Question
I met this guy 3 years ago while my husband at the time was cheating on me with another girl.  He had been there for me throughout my divorce and now we are engaged and me and my 2 kids have now moved in with him.  He has always been great to me and my 2 kids except for one thing, he likes to drink way to much.  He drinks about 4 times a week give or take a day either way but there are many times that he just has to drink so much that he doesn't know what he is doing.  I love him so much but do I risk me and my children's life with this man who is not even their own father.  
I have tried to talk to him about his problems but he doesn't really seem to try to change them.  He admits that he is an alcoholic but what does that really mean for me down the road.  What should I do please?

Answer
Barb,
    Thank you for your questions.   It is a tough situation when we become involved with someone whose behaviors show up afterwards (at least, in our recognizing them as problems for us).  You say that you have talked with this fellow about the drinking and he has not made much of an effort to change to suit your needs.  The truth of the matter is that alcoholism is not a moral issue - it is a disease and it only gets progressively worse if left untreated.

    If he suspects that he is an alcoholic and will do nothing for you and the children to curb the behaviors my suggestion is that you find a polite and easy way to have a conversation that turns to the serious subject of what you will and will not tolerate.  Drinking is evidently one of those "I can't stand" issues for you.  Let him know you care very deeply for him but you simply will not stay in the relationship if nothing is done.  Then leave and grieve the loss and do not go back.  Get a handle on who you are and why these type of relationships are in your history.  If we do not do our soul work and really admit who and what we are and ask for Gods' direction in our new life we will make the same mistakes again and again.

    I hope this helps and write again if I may of any further help.

Grace and Peace,
Clyde