Expert: Beverley Glazer - 1/18/2010

Question
Beverly - my last question to you was on 11/22 regarding my wife's recovery. Unfortunately, we've had another bout of drinking and driving the girls, so we are proceeding with divorce.  We are walking away with no regrets - we worked really hard to try and make this work, but it appears that she's not ready to give up alcohol.  For someone to continue to drink after the car accident, really shows this is an illness.  My question is how does her family/friends support her in her recovery when she is denying that she was drinking and driving?  I've mentioned to her family and some of her close friends that an intervention may be helpful but I don't think it's good for me to be involved in the process (she is quite upset about the divorce - I'm not committed, this should be in sickness and in health, fine - she'll find someone that will love her, etc.). I need to protect our children and help them grow from this experience.

She's been sober for 30 days - typical cycle; she seems to be able to hold it together to reach certain goals, but not when she's in the house and responsible for our children.  I've had some inquiries from her family/friends about what to do.  I'm at a loss, and really more focused on our children, and preparing for life as a single dad.  What should her family and friends do?

Thanks,

Dave

Answer
Hi Dave,

I know this is not easy, but you're doing the right thing. She has to stay focused on her sobriety, and you have to stay focused on being a single dad.

As you know 30 days sobriety is not enough for you to change your mind. Hopefully she'll realize that she must change her life and get the support and counseling that she needs. I'd recommend that she goes to AA or therapy, but at this point, it's not for you to make suggestions.

You have to move on -- and this will be hard enough. If you see that she remains sober and has a support system in place for over a year, you may want to get counseling to work things out. But, it's much too premature for that.

As for her family and friends -- you have no control over what advice they will give. The typical advice would be for her to 'stay sober and you'll come back'. The advice that they should be giving her is that she stay sober and get help. That's it. That's all. They shouldn't predict the future.

If at one time the two of you wish to reunite, it should not be anyone's concern.

This may finally be a wake-up call for her to change her life. But it's also been a wake-up call for you. Establishing a new life is difficult, but not nearly as hard as what you've been living through.

Once again, I hope this information has helped
and thank you for asking AllExperts

Good luck,

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com