Addiction to Alcohol/Son

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Expert: - 1/25/2010


Question
My son is 43,working and said he quit drinking New Years.  He is living with my daughter, his sister. He does very little helping her clean her house or give her money for food.  She likes living alone, so this is a burden on her, He also has his cat and his dog.  My daughter and I had a talk with him about getting an apartment.  I just gave him a deadline. He said he would not go to AA, I am going to go to alanon to get help on what to do.  How do we handle this?

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA. IC
Hi Dixie,

Your son is taking advantage of your daughter by not contributing to her household. He is a burden and she prefers to live alone however, she must be the one to stand up to him.

What does he do all day? Does he work? Does he get welfare? She must demand that he contributes for room and board, because she's fed up taking care of a freeloader -- either that (and here's where the deadline comes in) or get out. But once she says this, she must follow through.

As the parent, I understand how you want your daughter to have peace, but you don't have power in this situation, unless you own the property, or contribute to the rent. If that's the case, you can evict him or give him an ultimatum.

Going to AlAnon would be helpful for both you and your daughter.

Alcoholics are manipulatiors, and your son has manipulated his living situation and probably other things as well. Talk to the members about enabling. (for more info on that, go to my site: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com and put 'enabling' in the google search).

The membership will give both of you the strength and determination to stand up to him.  Getting a sponsor, a course on assertiveness, or some counseling could also be effective.

I hope this information is helpful,

Thank you for asking AllExperts,

I notice that your e-mail has been in the question pool for awhile.
I'm supposed to answer my pending questions first, so
if you'd like a quicker response,  just can contact me directly.

Best regards,

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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