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Addiction to Alcohol/My husband is in denial!

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Expert: - 1/31/2010


Question
I am at a loss for what to do with my husband. He will drink 4 weekends in a row, until he slurs his speach and is just downright stupid. He drinks and drinks and drinks until he passes out. I tell him he is an alcoholic and he denies it. He says he doesn't have a problem, but everytime he drinks like this we get into horrible fights. He always tells me I am done drinking, this is the last time, no more alcohol in the house. Then a few weeks later he is drinking again, doing the exact same thing as before. This has been going on for the last 2 years. Starting the night after we got married. While we were dating I never saw him that drunk, like he hid his drinking from me until after we were married. I don't know what to do. I have threatened to leave and not followed through. I have said no more alcohol and then I feel like the mean wife and break down and let him get some. I hid the alcohol tonight and he got mad and hostile, not violent just hostile. Please help, what should I do?

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA., I
Hi Jennifer,

Unfortunately you can't do anything to stop him from drinking, but you don't have to put up with it. After a drinking session, when he tells you he's through, you must tell him that if he's serious he'd go to AA or get counseling. Tell him that it's obvious that he needs help because he's tried to quit many times, and he can't do it alone.

Do not enable him in any way. Here's some information on enabling:

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/enabling-behavior.html

When you live with a problem drinker, it's easy to enable him and that prolongs getting help.

As for yourself -- don't get into arguments. He's not listening to you anyway. Instead, call a friend, leave the house, etc.  Join Al-Anon and get yourself a sponsor. This will be a helpful way to get support. Do not make threats unless you act on them. ex. if you keep threatening to leave and don't, it won't have impact. Don't bother hiding alcohol. An alcoholic will do what he has to do to get what he wants, but keep in mind that if he doesn't change, reconsider staying with this guy.

Right now, there are no children in the picture. The longer you stay, the more complicated it will get.

I hope this information is helpful,
Thank you for asking AllExperts

Good luck!!

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com
    Questioner's Rating
    Rating(1-10)Knowledgeability = 5Clarity of Response = 5Politeness = 5
    CommentI did not get much out of the answer. I already knew these things. And we do have a child and she just assumed we didn't. I would have like a longer answer that explained more to me about what alcohol abuse is really doing to the drinker.


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Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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