Addiction to Alcohol/Alcohol addiction

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Expert: - 10/29/2010


Question
I am curious to know what you would advise if within a marriage the wife is clearly an alcoholic and the husband is a social drinker at home and the husband clearly wants his wife to give up drinking because of the damage it is causing to herself and their relationship.
Many thanks....Robert

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA. IC
Hi Robert,

If the wife is an alcoholic but is in denial of her addiction, it isn't helpful if the husband, who is a social drinker, drinks at home. When an alcoholic is in denial, he/she believes that their problem is 'not that bad,' and that others drink too. When the husband drinks (drunk or not) this confirms it.

To break the denial, first -- there should be no alcohol in the house. This doesn't mean that the wife won't go out and get it, but what it does is that it makes it harder for her, and  her need to drink becomes apparent.

Another way to point out that her drinking has negative effects, is that the husband should not enable her. Here's more information in enabling:

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/enabling-behavior.html

When the partner doesn't enable, the alcoholic has to suffer the consequences of their drinking behavior. This leads to arguments, but the partner must stand firm, telling the other that he/she should stop drinking or get help.

Couple counseling can also be suggested. Drinking would come into the discussion and the wife would once again be subjected to the consequences that alcohol is damaging the relationship.

Failing all this, Al-Anon can help the husband learn to deal with what living with an alcoholic entails, as well as provide support in the difficult times.

I hope this information is helpful,
Thank you for asking AllExperts

All the best

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com
    Questioner's Rating
    Rating(1-10)Knowledgeability = 10Clarity of Response = 10Politeness = 10
    CommentVery helpful response that I can use.


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Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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