Expert: Druideck - 10/18/2010

Question
My son is 29 Year old and has a problem with drinking he has been in jail for 4 years I think do to the drinking and got out a year ago. not out of jail 4 month he got a DUI and 4 months after that he got in a car wreak and it almost killed him. I have tried to help him but don't know what to do .he said one time he wonted to kill his self and we got him put in the hospital but it didn't help. he just got a car last night for the first time after the wreak and came to my home drinking. I took his key to try and stop him from going but he just got the car started with his knife and left and got in a wreak he did'nt get hurt this time but he's going to hurt or kill he's self or someone else what can I do to stop or help him before it's to late

Answer
Linda,

It is hard to feel so powerless over our children.
Even though your son is at an age when most
people are expected to act as adults and be
responsible he is not.

Alcoholism is a terrible illness and something
that happens to some people over time.
Your son likely started drinking with friends
and then gradually he lost control of his
drinking and now is addicted to alcohol.

Alcohol addiction is a powerful problem
that keeps the drinker in denial even
after seeing much evidence of his problems.

The jail time, car wrecks and apathy for
life are all characteristic of
a person suffering from alcoholism.
Often this is coupled with a lack of
emotional development while he deals with
everything by taking a drink.

Often a drinker will have an "enabler".
This is any person that makes it possible
for him to drink without facing all the
negative consequences he may face otherwise.
This means anyone that lends him money,
or makes his life easier so he can find
a way to keep drinking.

To help someone get sober requires their
cooperation at some point.
You can only try to get him information
or talk to family or friends
about doing a formal intervention with an experienced
alcohol counsellor.

Sometimes a person has to be faced with
much trouble before they will seek help
but they should be informed where they
can seek that help if they decide
to get it. This means you can get
the address and times of Alcoholics Anonymous
meetings in your area.
Post them in open sight so he sees them.

Get any info pamphlets you can about alcohol problems
and leave it around the house.
The point here is to plant a seed in his mind
so he may eventually get curious.

Don't lecture him as you will be wasting breath
and giving him another excuse to go drinking.
He is ill and probably addicted so he can not
stop on his own willpower at this point.

He would need alcohol treatment/rehab and
regular AA meetings to retrain his mind
away from alcohol.

This is a big order for someone that does
not want to quit or is still in heavy denial
of his problem.

Only help him in regard to things that lead to
not drinking and getting help.
Give him a ride to AA and refuse anything
that looks like an easy way out.
Don't let him manipulate you in letting him
be irresponsible.

He is an adult and even though he is your son
this illness is deadly. Let him know that.
Don't be afraid to take a stand.
This is love at it's highest form.

He may try to garner your pity but there
is help out there these days.
I was also a mother's son and when things
got unbearable I finally surrendered to
getting help and realized I did not
know how to live with or without alcohol.

I wish you the best.
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