Expert: Druideck - 10/22/2010

Question
My Husband started drinking four months ago. He hangs out with people he barley knows because they drink too. He has a bad alcoholic history. Our marraige is on the line because he wants to run his life and decide  when he should drink or not. He doesn't get drunk but I'm afraid it will get out of control in the future. I don't believe in having control of alcohol, there is always the temptation to drink more when your doing it at the moment. Please tell me if I am just freaking out or if I should worry about him and get help, and if there is help, who can I contact.

Answer
Carolina,


I understand your concern but wonder where
your fears come from. If your husband has
had problems with alcohol abuse in the past
then you may have cause to worry.

If he has any negative history with
drinking then it would be advisable for
him to use caution now and seek help
through counselling or Alcoholics Anonymous.

If he is not getting drunk and is able to
control the quantity he drinks then perhaps
you need to take things day by day
and live in the present rather
than an imagined future.

You must realize that he may be doing
what he likes to do and he may not
desire any change. Without his cooperation
it will be impossible to stop him.

It may be time to consider your options.
If he keeps drinking it may either be
his choice of lifestyle or could be
that he will need to get help to
sober up.

Either way you must live your life as
you see fit and as you desire.
If he will not consider your discomfort
with his drinking then maybe you
need to attend Alanon meetings
to learn how to detach emotionally
from his problems.
They can help you to deal with how you
feel living with a drinker or
they can help you decide if it is too much
for you to bear at some point.

We either have to accept our spouse as
they are and hope for change or
we have to move on if we cannot cope
with their behaviour and lifestyle choices.

If you are sure he is losing control of
his drinking then try talking to concerned
family or friends about doing an organized intervention
with a trained alcohol counsellor.

Some people just like drinking occasionally
but if he has had problems due to drinking
then he may be going too far.
Only you and he can judge this situation and
if he seems out of control then you
may need to decide what level of help
you should seek.
Maybe you just need to have a good talk about it
together if he is willing.

Sometimes only time can tell but try to enjoy
each day without excess worry for the future, take care
of yourself instead. The present moment is all
we really ever have to live with.

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