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Addiction to Alcohol/I need a kick in the butt

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Expert: - 10/19/2010


Question
I've been married 16 years and over this time, my husband's drinking has surely turned the corner into alcoholism. He is totally functional: works and earns substantial income, mostly keeps up on his chores and mostly can turn off the use when he wants to 'impress' (like we spent a week at his folks and he drank 1 small bottle of wine for the entire week vs. his norm of near 1.5 liters per night).
He is 59, I am 52, we are childless.
I have my degree in counseling and have significant experience in what alcoholism is, what it does, how I am being or trying NOT to be a control freak...
I have not given any idle threats.
I do not want to leave Gary. I am heartsick 'missing him' and he knows this but I know he's snagged.
AL-Anon is a 35 minute drive each way for me and it's at night (8PM) and I am using this as an excuse not to go.
I need support, a 'kick in the butt' to get me moving.
I am well read, have attended conferences and KNOW the steps, but can't get started...Any suggestions?

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA. IC
Hi Susan,

You are focussing on your husband's drinking, which seems to be a problem, but the larger problem is that when he's drinking, the two of you have no relationship and you're heartsick about it.

Focus on the relationship --  not on the alcohol. Tell him how unhappy you are and ask him to join you in couple counseling to tune up the relationship.  

Through couple counseling, he may see that drinking excessively not only causes you pain, but excludes you from his life.  

Couple counseling can open his eyes and renew your relationship and he may voluntarily choose to quit or cut down drinking on his own.

Hopefully, going in this direction will motivate the change that your looking for.

I hope this information is helpful,

Thank you for asking AllExperts,

All the best,

Bev

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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