Expert: Clyde - 11/14/2010

Question
Hi  I am  living with a recovering alcoholic.  He is 7 years sober this January.  He is the father of my two children and we only back together a year and a half ago after been apart for over eleven years.  Lately he is getting quite angry all the time and being verbally abusive.  I asked him to stop swearing at me a to treat me with a bit of respect he said I was lucky he was only swearing at me because a few years ago he was hitting me.  I find him very controlling and the children are finding it very difficult living with him too.  We all seem to tip toe around him for fear of him getting angry over nothing.  He is always on the phone giving other recovering alcoholics advice but he never does any of these things himself.  Are all recovering alcoholics like this?

Answer
Maria,
   Without some understanding of his own program, it is difficult to say what he may be doing in his recovery.  If he is attending meetings and really working a program he should be willing to look into his own self and find out why he is "restless, irritable, and discontent."  That is what happens to us when we are not willing to face our own issues.  Try and notice if there are any things that you know are irritating him.  Unless he becomes willing to look at these reasons he will continue to be a bear.

   I might suggest that you give Alanon a try and if you haven't gone before, give it a spin to see if it puts any pressure on him to straighten up his own act.

I hope this may have helped.

Grace and Peace,

Clyde