Addiction to Alcohol/Alcoholic husband

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Expert: - 12/13/2010


Question
My husband moved out in July as I told him I no longer wanted to watch him kill himself with alcohol.  Told him I would support him but would not call him or hound him as it was his choice.  He was so remorseful and told me it was all his fault etc.  Within 6 weeks he was with a woman he met at work and within 5 months they are living together.  My question is how could he have gotten over our 30 year relationship so fast??? Tells me he loves me but has moved on???  I have gone no contact and wondering is this what he had to do because that is the only way he could still feed his no. 1 love...alcohol??  It so hard to let go ... Thanks

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA. IC
Hi Marie,

When you could not continue to watch your husband kill himself with drink, he chose to leave, rather than to get help to stop drinking.  Although he was remorseful, telling you that it's all his fault, he still chose not to change.

Alcoholics are emotionally dependent people, so it didn't take much for him to transfer his needs to the other woman. This is a new relationship and most likely this woman will put up with his drinking. Right now, this is all he cares about. His 'alcoholic thinking' is somewhat twisted, so he doesn't  consider the past 30 years. He's only thinking of the present, however, you're left with a roller-coaster of feelings.

It would be helpful for you to get counseling to get through this. It seems almost impossible to believe that he can throw away 30 years, but it's not uncommon. Your husband wants what he wants, and right now it's his drink. You spent 30 years with this man and I'm sure it wasn't easy. Counseling will help you not only to move on, but to build back your self esteem and empower you to create a more positive life for yourself.

I hope this information is helpful,

Thank you for writing AllExperts

All the best,

Bev

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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