Expert: Clyde - 12/26/2010

Question
Ok.. I've heard this phrase.   An alcoholic needs to 'do the work'.

I understand that I can't "do" anything, nor can I influence someone elses choices.   Many of your comments have clarified things for me.   I realize that he may be busy doing things to maintain his sobriety and that a relationship may be a frightening thing for him.   

What I can be, is a good friend.   Beyond that, needs to come from him.

But what is "the work"   I've heard this phrase and its like a secret code word for a vast amount of something I don't know what it is.

Could you clarify what 'the work' is?  

Thanks in advance,

Mary

Answer
Mary,
   Thank you for the follow up and the questions about "the work."  I apologize for not clarifying what this means for the recovering person.  The work means whatever needs to be done in order to understand the reasons for and the need behind falling into addictive behaviors.  We call it "uncovering, discovering, and discarding" which means we make a thorough inventory of ourselves and find out this psychological "baggage" that has given us problems. Many people will never do the uncovering because of fear of what they'll find.  This goes for all people, not just alcoholics.

    As we discover we learn more about who we are and we become more comfortable with that new person.  Christians know it as the "new man" after turning their lives over to Christ.  This new person can be dramatically different from the old "false self" built up in the addictive phase in order to protect the fragile ego.  But that gets into a deeper discussion of the psyche...

    We know it is up to the individual to decide whether any work needs to be done.  Without some good solid program and help of good sponsorship this may never happen for this fellow.

    All people need to explore more about what makes them tick.  

Grace and Peace,
Clyde