Addiction to Alcohol/Alcoholism?

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Expert: - 2/8/2010


Question
I have been with my husband for 12 years and married for three. He drinks about once a week and it usually ends in a 5am night. This has progressed to 5am nights. We have a combo drinking and gambling thing going on. Poker night, Fantasy football and anything and everything he can bet on. Now, I have teenagers that are not his and I am concerned about them being affected by this. I know they are aware of what he does. He doesn't blatently do it in front of them but they see the aftermath. Parents who don't speak to each other. He is verbally abusive and seems to be depressed and angry. I have resorted to not enabling him. i stay home and don't drive but others will drive him around. What should I do to save my marriage?

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA., I
Hi Heather,

As you can see, your husband's drinking is progressing, but right now, he may be abusing alcohol, but not have a dependency. Only a professional assessment can tell you if he's an alcoholic at this point.

The big problem is that he's in denial of all his addictive behaviors as well as being encouraged by his buddies. Because you're not supportive, you've become the 'bad guy'. It's not pleasant, but stand firm and continue not to enable him.

The abusive, depressive behavior is all part of his drinking/gambling behavior and here's where you have an opening.

Tell him that you love him and you don't want to leave but you are upset with all the arguments (that type of thing). Tell him that the kids know something's going on and that for the sake of the family the two of you need help.

Check out couple counseling. You may be able to find it for free through the church or otherwise on a sliding scale. Al-anon would also be helpful. You can develop a support system as well as get information on other resources in your community.

I hope this information is helpful.
This will not an easy situation, but I encourage you to stay strong!

Thank you for asking AllExpert,

Best of luck,

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com  
    Questioner's Rating
    Rating(1-10)Knowledgeability = 10Clarity of Response = 10Politeness = 10
    CommentThank you so much. I will just continue to pray and am looking into al-anon. He's in such denial, because of the surrounding crowd, that I don't think I can get him into counseling right now. I will continue to try... Thank you for your help.


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Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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