Expert: james52144@earthlink.net - 2/3/2010

Question
Ever since my parents divorce, which is since I can remember, my dad has had a serious drinking problem. He went through many times where he'd say he was going to quit, but only for reasons that had to do with his girlfriends (trying to win them back, etc). About a year ago, (he got remarried about two years
ago), he got into a bad fight with my step brother drunk, and social services were involved. He decided to quit, and he hasn't had a drink since. **and you would think I would be very happy for him, I am, but I'm confused. I still feel like he should be drunk. Him being sober is extremely different. I feel like my whole step family knows him better now than me, since I'm not there often.  I've never witnessed him sober for this long in my life.. And he treats me worse. I feel like when he gave up drinking he avoids me. He barely talks to me, and he's constantly laughing about his alcoholism and making jokes about it. I don't think he understands it actually affected me. Also, if I bring up something we did in the past, he'll say "that's when I was drunk." or he won't remember. It's like I can't even talk about anything to him. Plus, he gets mad at me more than anyone else in the house, even when I don't do anything. If he has a bad day at work, he takes it out on me. And I'm sick of it. I've tried talking to him, but it never works. The only way I know how to bond with him is drunk fights or drunk conversations. It's a problem, and I'm sorry I wrote so much. It's just a lot. Please help!!

Answer
Dear Alexis

I assume you are under 18 if you are still in the house. There is a group called "Alateen" that helps children of alcoholics. There is also a group called "Alanon" which helps those hurt by alcoholics. The problem with sobriety is that there are people who get sober and happy, and then there are people who are "dry drunks." The old saying is "sober up a horse thief and you get a horse thief." I would say that your dad may have stopped drinking but he is a long way from being a nice person. Sometimes it takes years of no drinking before an alcoholic can sober up. It is going to take a lot of courage for you to deal with this, but at some point you are going to have to tell him what you told me. Good luck.