Expert: Clyde - 3/4/2010

Question
Hello,

My 33 year old boyfriend of close to 4 months likes to get drunk 2-3 times a week. I on the other hand am not a drinker, I may have one drink 4 or 5 times a year. And to add, I am a mother of a 6 year old child.

I've known my bf for about 13 years bc his sister is my best friend. I've grown up around her and her family. She was the one who brought up the idea of dating. I told her no way right off the bat...bc I always thought he was an alcoholic. But, he was so thoughtful and sincere so I decided to give it a try.

I am now head over heals for this man (when he is sober), but it seems to be that he has an alcohol dependency, but I am scared to death to try and make him understand. He has stated that he does not think at all he has an alcohol problem.

He used to drink 6 days a week (before I dated him). Now on typical weeks, he drinks 2-3 nights a week. Which, on those nights he is typically hammered beyond belief....he doesn't remember conversations, slurs his words, and has called into work twice maybe three times since we've been together. Although, we had a discussion a couple of weeks ago about him slowing down his lifestyle in general then he decided to get drunk 6 days in a row. And on the 6th day we had got into an argument, he decided to ignore my text messages and my phone calls for 4 hours. And then he responds with I'm ignoring you and I'm really drunk. He proceeds to get in the car and drive, doesn't make it a quarter of a mile and blows his right front tire out. He also found out the rim also needs replaced.

I do love him very much, I just don't know what to do. He says that when he has kids he will quit drinking all together. His family and I are very very concerned. Oh, and to mention his father is a severe alcoholic and has been divorced 4 times. Is there any hope in helping my boyfriend?

Thank you!

Answer
Courtney,
    Thank you for your questions and for the details.  I have some real distressing news for you: Unless the alcoholic wants to, and does, get sober for themselves, and for themselves alone, they are doomed to an alcoholic life.  This fellow loves his booze more than anything in the world and until such time as he decides on his own to do something about it, then you are not going to see any changes.   My honest advice is to begin to let this relationship go and grieve the loss of the things in it that are good.
    This is the sad but true side of alcoholism.
Grace and Peace,
Clyde