Expert: Druideck - 3/6/2010

Question
Hello, my girlfriend is 17 turning 18 soon, she drinks quite often with her friends or every week or so with me, she's been drinking this often for about 3 years and drinks about 2-3 litres of strong cider, in the past month she's been drinking this amount everyday! its putting our relationship under tremendous strain, every time i ask her to maybe get help she insists she's okay and she could stop whenever she wants, its affecting her college work and its starting to make me resent her as she refuse's any sort of advice or help i give, i love her very much and i just need some advice as what to do about this

Thanks, Liam

Answer
Liam,

it is common for people with a drinking problem
to deny it and believe they can quit anytime.
This may be possible in early stages of
alcohol dependence but it becomes
impossible later on. You cannot do much
to help someone that doesn't want help
or doesn't think she has any problem.
Often if you back off and allow them to
continue awhile they will see stronger
evidence that they are drinking and
behaving out of control.

If she is willing there are
some self-tests on the internet
that may expose any problems with drinking.
Links to tests:
http://www.alcoholscreening.org/
http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/alcohol-mast/index.html
http://alcoholism.about.com/library/blalcoholquiz.htm
http://www.pamf.org/teen/risk/alcohol/quiz.html

Alcoholism sneaks up over time and
things will get worse. You cannot
control it as she would need to
get help from counselling, treatment
and other peer support like AA meetings.

If she is unwilling to stop after
drinking causes problems then
she may very likely have
a drinking problem.
If she waits too long to address it
she will not be able to stop without outside
help.
I suggest you take care of yourself
and stand firm on any consequences you
think are in order to address her
behaviour. If she starts breaking
promises not to drink then she is
likely already addicted.

Getting help will be her responsibility
with your emotional support if offered.
First she has to experience the
consequences of problem drinking
if she refuses to be assessed or
stop drinking on her own.

Be prepared to follow through
if you make any demands of her
to stop. There must be serious
consquences or she will not get help
or stop drinking.

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