Expert: Druideck - 3/18/2010

Question
Hello,
I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year and half, and he is a alcholic. I grew up with my dad being a alcholic my whole life, and to this day he still is. My boyfriend cannot go one day without drinking atleast one beer, he goes as far as to spending change on beer if he does not have the money for it. I have left for days/weeks at a time and he always promises to change, and may even stop drinking for a while. The longest i have seen him not drink is 13 days, he has been drinking since he was 14 years old and is now 23. He uses his age as a excuse most of the time saying he is only 23 and thats what he is suppose to do. I myself is 22 and I do not drink. Everytime we go anywhere he is either drinking or drunk, and usually shows out no matter where we are. He tells me that he knows he has a problem, and that he wants to stop drinking, however when he wants to go buy alchol, no matter what i say or do nothing will change his mind.
I need help He needs help, PLEASE HELP US!!
Thanks
Hannah

Answer
Hannah,

it is good to be concerned with your
boyfriends problem as long as you
understand that he is the only one
that can seek help and stop drinking.

Alcoholics are often full of excuses
as to why they drink but this is
part of their illness.

Denial and excuses are how they defend
against getting help. This is why
they continue to drink.

After drinking many years the drinking
becomes addictive and it is true that
when he feels the urge to drink he
will drink no matter what you say
or do. This is not because he doesn't
care, it is because the compulsion
to drink is so strong.

Things often have to get very bad before
a person will go see a counsellor,
enter treatment and follow up with
AA meetings.

If your boyfriend really wants out
of drinking and is fed up with being stuck
he must do those things.

If he shows no willingness to get
help then he will continue drinking
until he dies with bad health or ends up in
other trouble.

You cannot force him into sobriety.
It is important to realize this.
If he won't stop there is no use
arguing or fighting with him about it.
If you need to leave that is a choice.

You can learn to live your own life well
and let him sort out his own problems.
If you get too wrapped up in this
you will only get ill yourself.

Ala-non meetings may help.

Tell him to write me if he has
questions, I have been where he is.

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