Expert: Druideck - 3/24/2010

Question
My husband and I are both 26, We met in a  party atmosphere, and both loved to drink. Up  until about 2 years ago we would drink every night if we could. When I got pregnant, I obviously had to quit drinking, but he didn't. It wasn't until this time that it dawned on me that we drank to much. Long story short. I have made it clear to him that I am concerned for his health, that between the 5 cokes he drinks everyday and the 6 beers he drinks everynight his liver and kidneys must be screaming. So what does he do? He quits drinking sodas. cold turkey. Which was baffling, because he LOVES having a coke in the morning, it's his coffee. Since then he seems to think he is now entitled to drink a whole 6 pack of tall boys a night, you know since he quit drinking cokes. Don't get me wrong diabetes runs rampant in his family , I love that he quit the sodas, but it almost sickens me. It shows how devoted to alcohol he is. ( I am aware that alcohol turns to sugar and it's equally as bad for diabetes) On top of it all, if I ask him to not drink it's like poking a sleeping bear, when I've brought up alcoholism, he stomps around all day like I called him a child molester or something equally as despicable. He makes promises to only drink 3 times a week, then when he breaks them , he gets irritated and says that I act like I'm 40 or 50 and we are young can't we enjoy ourselves? that I worry to much. I'm not sure how to handle this. I have quit drinking my one or two beers a week now, trying to set an example. I'm not sure how to go about helping him. Any ideas?

Answer
Hi Brycie,

No person likes to believe they have
a drinking problem or alcoholism.
It is natural for him to make excuses
and deny any problem with it.
He may just think the only problem
he has is your resistance to his drinking.

Casual or social drinking is common
for many people but there are
some of us that slowly become
addicted to or dependent on using
alcohol to sooth our fears
or to try and feel good.

This problem comes as quite a
surprise because it sneaks up
on you and then when you try to
quit you cannot.

I remember using the same excuses
when I was drinking.
I had to laugh at the one about
telling you that you are old
and what's wrong with drinking
for fun when you are so young.

Next time tell him there are
alcoholics in their teens.
Alcoholism has no age boundaries.

Also there are other ways of having
fun that don't involve drinking.

Being obscessed with regular drinking
means you are already on the road
to serious alcoholism problems.

Alcoholism kills in a variety of ways.
Because he can't quit on his own
he will need to see an alcohol counsellor
and ask about treatment centers.
Also he will need to go to AA meetings
when he feels like having a drink.
Alcoholics have to stay sober otherwise
the whole addictive process resets itself
and they drink again compulsively.

Of course the bottom line is you
can't really change another person
unless they want to change.

You can argue, threaten, leave, be loving,
supportive or whatever. None of these
things will work against addiction
to alcohol.

Many alcoholics will not seek help until
they see they are really beat by this
thing. That means he will try various
methods to control his drinking
before he surrenders to getting help.
This can take much time and struggle.

If you have other caring people
that see he has a problem then
you may want to talk to an alcohol
intevention counsellor.
This must be done professionally
and it forces the drinker into
getting help or into negative consequences
related to their drinking.
This can result in separation
from the drinker.

This drinking abuse develops into a compulsive/
obscessive disorder or illness at some point.
Alcoholism is not something you can control
anymore than other illnesses.
Remember that if you try talking to him
or using other more forceful measures
like intervention.

Extracting promises from him will not work.
When he wants to drink he will not be able
to stop without help from treatment and AA.

He may be angry about being called an alcoholic
but he may some day be grateful he found out
before he lost everything because of it (and he will).
I wish you both luck in the future.

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