Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 3/20/2010

Question
well here goes... my question is complicated but maybe yu can break it down. My husband and I have been together for about 14 years now and have been married for about 4 years and have 4 children together, not anyone elses. Well we've had our ups and downs, blow outs, fights, love affairs  etc etc... yaa  i know dosnt soung good does it but it is what it is and that i can say is LIFE at least for us.  I do alot of ananlyzing and thinking why and came to the conclusion that its because of "Alcohol."  First thing off the bat, we slept together almost within hours on the same day of meeting each other, me still in a long distant relationship , him just outta one and basically young kids with no responsabilities but for ourselves. But drunk at least i was and he was enough to where i woke up and looked at him and thought " OH shit, who are you and what the hell have i done, OMG my boyfriend".  Yep i know we were drunk and what ever, we did it.   A year went by and besides being no courtship really just friends among friends??  and with benefits after midnight was basically our relationship for about a year and a half until all of a sudden i was moving in with my sis and he was too, along with her boyfriend / husband now.  Well as our lives started on our voyage so did many drunken moments,  that i have to say seem to end a lot in a sort of bad way or just a badd way.  Umm  for instants, one of the first nites my sis, my new boyfriend/ now husband and I , went out together you know roomates getting to know each other hang out yadda yadda adn yadda.  well it seemed to my sis and i that my girlfriend was makn passes at my byfrend and hes kinda acting like a gullable lost puppy and fallen for it and my sister and i are noticing it but not really saying anything just hanging out. well then some guy jumps on our table and my husband well then boyfriend, gets up and pulls him off basically cause hes offended.  Then starts the bar brall fight and him and i getting into it cause hes tryn to flirt with her in the same process.  And so went life 4 kids later, many ups and downs, blow-outs, etc.  Now were back together after our second split both on my part because i cant stand the things that happen when he drinks and i also. I try to be intimate but i almost unconstiously pull away and have to tell myself to be nice dont hurt his feelings or he might get mad .  stuff like that but stuff i cant tell him cause hell blow up or if drunk or drinking, he gets real angry and starts throwing mystuff around or gettin onto me in front of the kids.  I Guess what my Question is, Is if we had No alcohol would things be better and livable  even if i dont feel as much feeling as he says he feels for me?  We dont kiss like people that kiss when they really desire each other and yes i love to kiss and yess i have desired like reallly desired a man before unlike how it is now where i cant wait till  "Its"  over( sex)with,  usually,  unless were REALLLY getting along( which lately seems not a lot) but theres always a beer at play or a couple when we start to argue or get into it,  so im wondeering if iM supposed to just Grin and Bear it cause Family first right( thats what he drills into me everytime i decide to leave cause ive had enough of it)but it seems when he turns into the other Cliff(drunk cliff) I am soooo turned off, on edge, scared sometimes or angry but not by anymeans at peace.   Help please im annoyed and cant help it but not sure what the right move is. we needd  God to take over  so im praying but Maybe Really thats who im asking::))) thankyou for listening, if you can remember that God means a big deal to me and go from there on giving me advice that would be best, please. Sincerely, me

Answer
Hi cathy,

I am not entirely sure what your question is, but I get the impression that your relationship with your husband is somewhat adulterated by the use of alcohol, and quick sessions of sex.

My experience with alcoholics is that they don't make good partners in marriages and that if you can take alcohol out of the equation marriage either improves or comes to an end.

Thus the question is whether your situation will improve, if for some reason your husband would stop drinking alcohol, in other words treat his addiction to alcohol. Alcoholism is generally a destroyer of love relationships and it is up to you to consider whether you want to stay in such a relationship or not. If you are considering treatment it is essential that you understand the underlying biochemical underpinnings of alcoholism or addiction in general. Addiction is certainly a bar to the full potential development of one's true personality. Provided a person is motivated it is possible to treat alcoholism by nutritional means, especially with the help of a Nutritional Doctor, Clinical Nutritionist or Nutritional Psychologist. I suggest you familiarise yourself with the psychonutritional therapy of addiction by reading the following articles:

Why Alcoholics Drink? at
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/WAD.html

Alcoholism (Addiction) is a Treatable Disease at:
http://curezone.com/upload/PDF/Articles/jurplesman/alcoholism_treatable.pdf

Drug Addiction is a Nutritional Disorder at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/drug_addictions_nutritional_disorder.htm...

The first step in treatment is going on a hypoglycemic diet. If problems persist, it is best to consult a Nutritional Doctor, Clinical Nutritionist or a Nutritional Psychologist.

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist
Hon. Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman