You are here:

Addiction to Alcohol/Alcoholic Dependent Boyfriend

Advertisement

Expert: - 4/28/2010


Question
My boyfriend of 13 years is an alcoholic. Yes, I knew he liked to drink but it has gotten to the point where it is affecting his thinking. Recently, we decided to take our relationship to the next level...he said he was ready to spend the rest of his life with me but I had to be honest. He came out and accused me of having a sex change. He wanted me to give the older woman my blood to prove it. This blew me away because I look nothing like a man.I refused to let this older woman poke me with a needle.
Since then, he is angry and mean towards me. He will barely talk or communicate with me. Today, I got an e-mail saying he was done with me and I would not hear from him again. I'm confused because I have nothing to him to deserve any of this. This has got to be due to the alcohol. I told him friendship was here for him but I would not allow him to vent his anger on me. If he wanted to change, I would communicate with him. Now, I feel guilty.....In my heart, I know I have to save myself. I read where alcoholics lie, I have no idea what was the truth. I know he is the alcoholic but maybe I need counseling.

Thank you,

Leisa

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA., I
Hi Leisa,

--You're right Leisa. Alcoholics will lie and do anything they can to get what they want, but they don't usually accuse a girlfriend of 13 years of having a sex change.

Whether the alcohol has 'affected his mind' could be possible, however you told him that you want nothing to do with him, and you do not have to feel guilty about it. He needs help for addiction, but at this point, this should not be your concern.

Many alcoholics get involved in codependent relationships and yours may be one of them. Here's more information on that:

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/how-to-break-up.html

There are 12 step groups for codependency or addiction counselors who can help you with this. Stay strong in your commitment not to communicate with him. This won't be easy, because alcoholics are manipulators, but standing up to him will allow you to move on.

I hope this information is helpful,
Thank you for asking AllExperts

Regards

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com  
    Questioner's Rating
    Rating(1-10)Knowledgeability = 10Clarity of Response = 10Politeness = 10
    CommentThank you. I know in my heart I am doing the right thing. Just needed alittle confirmation. Leisa


  • Add to this Answer
  • Ask a Question

Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

©2012 About.com, a part of The New York Times Company. All rights reserved.