Expert: Beverley Glazer - 4/30/2010

Question
Hello. My name is Rachel.  I have been with my husband just shy of 7 years.  We are coming up on our 3 year wedding anniversary.  Anyway My husband recently took up drinking.  He used to be an alcoholic but he quit for three years when our daughter was born.  Well the drinking has caused us to recently break up.  The thing is my husband is not a very strong willed person and I know the only one who can help him is me.  All he wants to do is party and drink with his friends.  He still has a job and works everyday but I can see in the near future he will be unemployed.  I'm so scared.  To let him go was probably the hardest thing I have ever done.  We now have two kids who he has always said were his world and now he barley sees them.  I'm stuck.  I no longer know what to do.  I can see he is trying to reach out for help but he will not go to AA.  And now that were apart I am so scared of what will happen to him.  I see him all the time but whenever I bring up the drinking he clams up.  What should I do?  I still feel as though he is a soul worth saving and deep down he wants the help.  Please help me!!

Answer
Hi Rachel,

As you can see, your husband is back partying with his friends and unfortunately he's the only one who can stop that. At this point, I don't think  he wants to change.

Although it's been extremely hard for you, you left him and that in itself is commendable. Alcoholics often get into codependent relationships and you have to think about kids. Right now, he's a poor role model and his friends are more important than family.

If he doesn't want to go to meetings, you can suggest that he gets counseling, but I suspect that he's in denial and probably won't go.

You can forsee him going down hill, however it's important that you don't enable him. Here's more information on that:
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/enabling-behavior.html

It's very hard to see someone fall, but it's the only way he'll see that his drinking is causing him problems and he needs to stop.

It would be helpful for you to go to Al-anon meetings. These meetings are for families of alcoholic/addicts and everyone is dealing with the same issues. This can help you stay strong.

Your husband is worth saving, but when it comes to addiction everyone is powerless. The addict has to save himself.

In the mean time, stay strong. This is a very difficult time.

I hope this information is helpful,
Thank you for asking AllExperts

All the best.

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

PS: I notice that your question was sent Mar,29. and it wasn't picked up. If you'd like a quicker response, you can send it to me directly