Expert: Beverley Glazer - 4/15/2010

Question
Hey Todd,

My dad drinks all the time and when he does, he argues with everyone in the family well mainly my mom and me now since my brother and big sister are off in college. I am 16 years old and my entire early life I have played baseball for my dad I have spent my last 3 summers away from my friends because my dad wants me to play baseball in Denver, and not in the mountains. Lately I have enjoyed baseball since I have become pretty good, but no how good I am my dad will always make me feel down and unhappy when he drinks. I have tried telling him that he is slowly killing himself with drinking and smoking, but tonight he got in my face about its his life and he could care less about what I think about his life. I love everything in my life and I always feeling good unless my dad is around and especially when he is drunk. My question is how can I make him stop drinking and smoking so he will be able to see my kids or at least my college graduation?  I cry every time he drinks because he kills himself with drinking and smoking, and a lot of the time it is has to do with something I stressed him out with. I want a father that cares about me and actually knows me besides baseball. I can't even explain how much this situation hurts me.

Thank you

Answer
Hi Thomas,

Your dad is in denial of his drinking problem, and no matter what you do or say, only he can change his behavior. Hopefully he'll get help, but unfortunately this would happen, only when things become bad enough.

The important thing is that you get on with your life, and learn to stop trying to get recognition from him. You may need help with this.

Speak to a school counselor or addiction professional. It might also be helpful to go to Al-Anon meetings and if there are Al-Ateen programs in your area, it would be even more beneficial, because you'll identify with the kids that are there. There may even be meetings on line. Check it out.

Here's some information about children of alcoholics:

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/alcoholic-family.html

Your dad really doesn't want to act the way he does, but he can't help himself. Alcohol is a depressant, and he also becomes irritable if he's not drinking, so he's in a lose-lose situation. He's always stressed.

Understand that in his twisted way, he believes that he's being a 'good parent' because of his concern for you and baseball. This is the most you can expect from him at this time.

Learn to accept him for the person he is, but unfortunately you are powerless to change him. Do whatever it takes to create a positive life for yourself.

I hope this information is helpful,

Thank you for asking AllExperts

All the best

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com