Expert: Druideck - 4/18/2010

Question
I've known my friend for an year and a half now. We used to do the same lessons in alevels but I have moved to a different course. I don't get to see her much, but shes told me she now goes out about 6 days a week drinking and comes home late although knowing she has work next morning. I am really worried about her and do not know what to do, or how to approach her about this problem. I spoke to her today and she told me she'd been out drinking since 3PM and is currently still out. I really worried and would like it if I could have some pointers on how to talk to her about my concern.

Answer
Hello,

the best thing for your friend to do
is have an assessment done to
check where her drinking may be leading.

No one likes to be told what to do
by others. Drinkers are especially
sensitive to this as often they
have no intensions of giving
up their drinking.

If a drinker is an alcoholic type
they will try to protect their
right to drink even in the face
of many problems and loss
of relationships.

If you do try to talk to her about
it try to keep the conversation
very light and only
talk about your own feelings
on the matter.

For instance you might say
"I really worry about your
health when I see you drinking
so often."
You could mention that you are afraid
for her safety when she drinks.

Don't use the word "you" in your
statements. Always take responsibility
for your own uncomfortable feelings
about her by using the word "I"
or "I feel" or "I think"

This makes it so you are not blaming
her for how you choose to feel about
things.

She may not be ready to quit drinking
unless she has many bad experiences
because of it. It might help
her to go for an assessment with
an alcohol counsellor if
you had some other people to
support you in talking to her
about it. This way she would see
it was not only you that was worried.

If she does not want to seek help
then let it go before you
upset yourself any further.

You cannot always help people
until they are ready for help.
That time may not be here yet
for her. Do what you can
but don't let it obscess you.

If she shows signs of wanting
to stop then you can help
only in that respect.
There are some alcoholism tests
online if you do a google search.

If you plant the seed of
her problem in her mind it may
help later on.

Luck to you!