Addiction to Alcohol/erratic behaviors

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Expert: - 5/28/2010


Question
My new husband and former high school sweetheart drank in his 1st 2 marriages and became sober 5&1/2 years ago.We have now been married 7 months and his moods are driving me crazy.He attends aa meetings once a week and I have been to 2 al-anon meetings.The main problem is that he walks away when we have problems whether he is angry with me or me with him and makes me feel responsible for fixing things.I don't.I already lived with(married) a man who was manipulative and verbally abusive and recently recovered from that.I love him but I can't stand the thought of  another un-healthy relationship.

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA. IC
Hi Sandi,

Moodiness is often related to alcoholism, but it's impossible to say if this is the case.

Your husband seems to be internalizing his feelings rather than discussing them with you, and his anger releases his pressure. This is not appropriate for either of you.

As this is a new marriage and you love this man, it would be helpful to get couple counseling to develop better communication.

Tell him that you love him and don't want to keep on fighting.  He probably doesn't want to fight either and since he's an AA member, he's probably open to receiving help.

Otherwise, everything else seems to be on the right track.  He's handling his sobriety and you're developing an understanding through Al-anon, the only thing  that needs a tune up is the communication between you, and this can be easily adjusted.

I hope this information is helpful,
Thank you for asking AllExperts

Good luck!!

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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