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Addiction to Alcohol/tied to doom-damage control

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Expert: - 5/19/2010


Question
i have a brother who is a violent alcoholic/crack addict whom i am stuck with trying to resolve my dead sisters estate. he refuses to come to appointments with notaries, and has sold all her things without permission.  i have been to alanon previously but can not go due to limited physical abilities from an accident. currently i have no money for a lawyer, and i need my sisters place to live, but am subjected to his violence whenever trying to move forward with the closure of my sisters estate. my sisters estate is suffering damages every day we loose. he is dragging me down with him, and uses every contact to release his rages in my direction.  how can i protect myself from the loss of a home without going to a lawyer. the law says i am stuck with him, no matter how out of control he is.

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA., I
Hi N

If the law says that you're stuck with him, you have no legal power. However, there are a few psychological things that you might try:

No matter how upset and angry you are, or no matter how crazy he gets, don't return his insults. Stay silent or say things like " I'm sorry you feel that way." You're only fueling his aggression if you talk back or try to reason with him. An alcoholic/addict will do and say what they want to anyway.

He is in no position to meet you at notaries or keep appointments. Ask the notary if you can take the papers to him. When you see him, be calm. Tell him you have the documents and if he signs, he'll benefit. Pull out the papers and a pen. Tell him where to sign and say "sign here." If he refuses, tell him you'll come back another time and leave -- then try again.

Remind him of his benefits, but stay calm and keep being persistent.  

I hope this information is helpful,
Thank you for asking AllExperts,

Good luck,

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.coms

Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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