Expert: Beverley Glazer - 6/2/2010

Question
i been with my husband for 4yrs, he has always had a drinking problem he has never accepted that he does. He has been telling me that he wants to stop drinking and change, but he never wanted to attend AA meetings. He Did but they were court orders he stopped for about a yr,but he when back to drinking again. Every time he would insist that he was going to change, he would stop for a week then back on it.a few weeks ago he finally decided that he would go to AA but once again he got pulled over and got a 4th DUI. he is in jail waiting to get sentenced, he has joined a church group claims it makes him feel relived and positive, that he has accepted jesus into his heart and that he is willing to change this time. I am afraid that he is just saying that because he is in jail, it confused me so much i am willing to do anything to help him with his alcohol problem i just don't exactly know how to...when i talk to him on the phone he sounds like a different man it seems like the church group is helping him. I want to do something to help him when he gets out, wether it a few months or a year. we need him both me and our 2yr old son. we really hope that he becomes a better man and can beat his problem.What should i do to help him?

Answer
Hi Josefina,

It's not uncommon for jail to be a wake-up call for an alcoholic/addict to finally get help. Hopefully, this is what happened to your husband and accepting Jesus into his heart, can only be very beneficial. It will also make him more receptive to going to AA meeting, because the program is spiritual. Encourage him to go.

There really is nothing you can do to help your husband other than encourage him to continue to work on his sobriety. Only he can do that, and if he chooses not to, unfortunately that's his decision as well.

One thing that's very distructive to his sobriety is to enable him without realizing it. Here's more information on enabling:
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/enabling-behavior.html

It would also be helpful for you to go to Al-anon meetings. These groups are for family members of alcoholics/addicts and you'll not only get an understanding of his behavior and how to deal with him, but you'll also develop a support system of people who are in a similar situation. It's a very effective program.

Hopefully the worst is behind you and you can look forward to a peaceful life ahead.

I hope this information is helpful,
Thank you for asking AllExperts

All the best

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com