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Addiction to Alcohol/Have I done the right thing

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Expert: - 6/26/2010


Question
Ive been with my boyfriend for 10 years and we have a 2 year old son together hes always enjoyed a drink but over the last 10 months hes become really bad he doesnt drink everyday but drinks about 4 nights out of 7 when he drinks he drinks he wont go to bed til its gone .when hes influenced hes happy ,loving and caring but the next day hes horrible snapping ,moody ,he lately has been disappearing and not comming home all weekend and blanks my calls and yest he got sacked from work he blames me saying I dont give any affection but how can I when he lies about where hes been and spent all of his wages he does nothing with our son and tells me to shut him up when he cries today ive left him, I mean it this time im exhausted and cant take anymore I work and pay for everything and all he ever wants to do involves drink even if we go shopping he wants to go pub for a pint please respond have I done the right thing.he went docs a few months ago and got anti depresants he doesnt take them as after a binge he used to self harm.

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA. IC
Hi Rachael,

It sounds like your boyfriend's drinking has gotten worse and at this point it's out of control. However, by blaming you for losing his job etc., he's not taking any responsibility. Most likely his behavior has lost him his job -- not you. This is what's called denial. The more excuses he finds, the less he blames the alcohol -- and an alcoholic wants to drink.

He lies, doesn't come home, is irritable and doesn't contribute financially to the family. In reality, you are living in an abusive relationship and for the sake of your son and your sanity, you did the right thing -- you left. This may be a wake-up call, for him to get help. But if he did this, you still shouldn't get back together until he's stable.  This takes time.

In reality, you've been living as a 'single mom' for quite awhile and it's not easy, but at least you don't have to be angry and upset by his behavior.

If you feel guilty, or want to go back, Al-anon meetings can be helpful to stay strong. The members provide a good support system when you're  under pressure.

Be assured that you've done the best thing by leaving. This was not easy, but it allows you to get your life together and to move on.

I hope this information is helpful
Thank you for asking AllExperts

Good luck!

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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