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Addiction to Alcohol/Alchohaul and Drug addiction

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Expert: - 7/14/2010


Question
I just found out that my boyfriend is into some pretty heavy drugs and he drinks every two days or so. He is often drunk and doesn't remember anything from the night he was drunk. I'm not quite sure when he takes the drugs because he always seems so normal but he has told me his own self that he has taken them. Also, he HAS BEEN suicidal, in prison, cuts himself and tonight he has just begun purging. He's also told me that I'm the only reason he's still alive, I know that before he met me he WAS really suicidal but now and he told me that if I stay beside him through this whole thing, he'll eventually stop... I'm not quite sure what I should do about this, I know deep inside me there's this burning desire to help him but I just don't know how. So what do I do about this whole thing?

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA. IC
Hi Maddie,

Your boyfriend has a lot of problems, and he's not denying them, however this puts you in a difficult situation.  Because of his history, it's not only hard for you to leave, but it's easy to fall into the pattern of enabling him. This will keep him more dependent on you, as well as his addictions. Here's more information on this:

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/enabling-behavior.html

Your boyfriend does not want you to leave, but it's emotional blackmail to tell you that the only reason he's alive is because you're there. There is no way you can 'help him'. You can point him in the right direction, but he has to take responsibility for his behavior and do the work to make changes.

Tell him that you can't stand seeing him in his condition and whether he knows it or not, he's killing himself anyway. Demand that he goes to meetings and get sponsor to reach out to when the going gets tough.

It would also be helpful for you to go to Al-anon or Codependency Anonymous meetings. These people understand the stress that you're under, and can give you the strength and direction that you need right now.

I hope this information is helpful,
Thank you for asking AllExperts,

All the best

Bev
http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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