Expert: Druideck - 7/30/2010

Question
I have been with my husband for ten years,he has recently quit, drinking and is going to na.he isnt drinking however our communication is at zero,not that it ever was great.There is no intamacy at all,he recently told me that the comfort and satisfaction that normal people get from sex hes always gotten from his drug and alchohol use,my question is will he ever have a normal libido?Because i cant stay in a marraige,and not get what i need.I have stood by him and been through hell,I really want him to get better but i also need US to get better.

Answer
Hello,

Drinking, drugs and their resulting behaviours
can really strain a relationship.
Recovery can also be tough because of the
changes people have to go through to
maintain sobriety.

I would say that your husband is going
through the stages of grief in
regard to giving up his drugs.

It is true that he got some payoff from
drinking/drugs but the negatives start
to outweigh the good eventually.

The good feelings do not return
once the addicted person hits bottom.
Sobriety is the only course for him now.

He will grieve the loss of these substances.
This anger/bargaining/depression can go up
and down for some time until he accepts
the life changes he needs to make.

I would say he will eventually return to some balance
as far as his interest in other personal things
go. Some alcoholic/addicts become very
sexually active as they switch their addiction
to this new high. This can also be addictive.

What sobriety consists of is getting a balance
in your lifestyle. No excesses in any area as
it usually leads to problems.

He will be on a roller coaster of thoughts and feelings
as he tries to relearn coping skills and develop a new life.
It will require time and patience but he will get
over the need for substances to help him feel good.
At this point he may return to whatever his normal
desires were regarding his libido.
I would also suggest that working on improving
your communication skills together will improve
all aspects of your relationship.
Communicating your honest wants, needs and dreams will
draw you closer emotionally and that will improve
your intimacy and desire for each other.

You both will have to learn to give as well
as receive to gain success in your marriage.

Luck!