Expert: Amarnath.B - 7/29/2010

Question
QUESTION: My husband drinks 3/4th of the bottle 3 or 4 times a week.  Is he an alcoholic.  He has this habit for around 13 years and I have tried level best for taking him to counsellers and he never agreed to come.  Is there a treatment which can be given without his knowledge?  Sometimes he get arrogant also.

ANSWER: Hello Radha,

Thank you for your question. It is difficult for me to right away tell you that your husband is an alcoholic without knowing his history.  Alcoholism is a disease and cannot be cured.  It can only be arrested by staying stop.  There is no known treatment or permanent solution for this disease. An alcoholic can stop drinking only if he has a desire to do so. Most often an alcoholic stops when he touches rock bottom vis-a-vis loss of job, family, financial downfall, divorce etc.  The reasons are countless.  Treatment without the knowledge of an alcoholic is definitely impossible and sometimes this can be fatal.

If you can tell me more about your husband's alcoholism I may be of some help. Areas which you can describe are his behavior, job, family, his handling of finance, his abusive nature if any, & his relationship with you and the children if any.

Thank you and God bless,


Amarnath



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: He used to drink almost everyday from 2001 - 2008 march.  Afterwards he had reduced to 3-4 times a week.  He is good in his job and managing finance.
He abuses sometimes after drinking and not always.  Behaviour changes from time to time.  Contradictive also at timnes. 1 child 9 year old

ANSWER: Hello Radha,

Let me reiterate the fact again that, Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive and lifelong disease.  It cannot be cured but can only be arrested by total abstinence.  The face of the alcoholic needs to be changed and the walls of denial must be broken down in order that alcoholics everywhere can receive proper diagnosis and treatment.

By your description, your husband is what is called a ‘functional alcoholic.’ Functional alcoholics often go undetected because they do not fit the image of the "typical" alcoholic.  A ‘typical’ alcoholic is a ‘skid-row’ bum, always drinks in the morning, is homeless, penniless, always getting caught up with the law, etc.  The list goes on and on. These are just a few of the stereotypes about alcoholics which are pervasive throughout society. These stereotypes increase denial and prevent many alcoholics from getting proper diagnosis and treatment. Functional alcoholics defy these stereotype and often go undetected because they do not fit the image of the "typical" alcoholic.  Functional  alcoholic is one who is able to maintain his or her outside life, such as a job, home, family, and friendships, all while drinking alcoholically.  Functional alcoholic have the same disease as the stereotypical "skid-row" alcoholic, but it manifests or progresses differently. Many are not viewed by society as being alcoholic, because they have functioned, succeeded and/or over-achieved throughout their lifetimes. These achievements often lead to an increase in personal denial as well as denial from colleagues and loved ones.  So as the years slip by, their lives and their livers deteriorate, and yet they continue to function.  This continues till they come to the stage of “hitting bottom” where they start losing their job, their relationships become dysfunctional, have financial difficulties, some of them become homeless, or simply die a horrible alcoholic death. The point is that addictive drinking leads to underfunctioning, and underfunctioning people do not live up to their potential and in the end usually quell their dreams.

There is always hope for an alcoholic.  There is no known cure for alcoholism.  No home remedies, Ayurveda, Homeopathic whatsoever.  But there is a solution.  And that is Alcoholics Anonymous.  Alcoholics Anonymous is a self-help group which has helped millions of alcoholics achieve sobriety and lead a peaceful and purposeful life. Their 12-Step Recovery Program is a design for living for an alcoholic.  Millions of alcoholics have recovered and are leading a happy, sober life through the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Try to contact the nearest group of AA and ask one of its members to come and talk to your husband.  And for you, is the Al-Anon (a part of AA for family & friends of alcoholics).  At Al-Anon meetings you will meet like minded people who have suffered the same way you have.  Here you will get an insight of how to deal with an alcoholic spouse.  I'm sure there are lots of AA groups in your city.  If you can tell me which city you live in probably I can help you with some helplines.

Radha, I hope your husband goes into recovery soon.  Physically, it won't be long before he starts experiencing the abuse of alcohol in his body like cirrhosis of liver, pancreatitis, hypertension etc.  Remember alcoholism is a fatal disease.  Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or concerns.


God bless.



Amarnath

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you very much.  I will findout and contact AA group which is in my city.
Last year my husband had been sober thrice for 45 days when he fasted for going to sabarimalai.  This clearly shows that he can stop the habit.  But the problem is his attitude.  He does not cooperate in coming to any rehab centres or any treatment.  I want to know how to convince him to take him to such AA group.

Answer
Hello Radha,


I understand your predicament.  An alcoholic will only seek help if he has a desire to stop drinking and your husband obviously has no intention to stop unless a miracle happens or he touches rock bottom.  I suggest you contact any AA group and request one of its members to come and have a friendly chat with your husband.  A recovering alcoholic is the best person to pass on the message.  Meanwhile, please contact the Al-Anon group which should also be there in your city since AA is existing.  Here you will meet like minded people and others who are in similar situation like yours.  Give it a start Radha, you never know when the message will get into your husband.  Trust in God and pray hard.  I'm sure you will come out a winner.

Once again, please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any other questions or concerns.  I hope and pray your husband recovers soon.


God bless


Amarnath