Addiction to Alcohol/1 year sober

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Expert: - 9/1/2010


Question
I have been living with my fiancee/ boyfriend for four years. He is and
alcoholic, who went to rehab for three months almost a year ago. Since being
back, he has smoked marijuana to help with stress. He has not found a
therapist, and has only attended one AA meeting, which he didn't like because
he doesn't believe in "God", and was using Cognitive therapy in rehab, which
he thinks will conflict. Just recently, his family bought a house for him, which
he, myself, and my two children moved into. Over the past week , he has been
telling me that he cannot handle the stress and responsibility of us. This is not
entirely new information, but he now wants us to leave. My question is....
Should I just take all he says at face value, and figure he has realized in his
sobriety that we were a mistake, or is this a warning of a possible impending
relapse?

Answer

Beverley Glazer MA., I
Hi Jennifer,

By what you explained, there is no way of knowing if your fiance is on the verge of relapse, however, anyone who's been to rehab should have a support network when they leave. An important part of the AA program is the fellowship. The members become friends and support each other during the difficult times.

As a cognitive behavioral therapist, I often suggest meetings as additional support for my clients. The language is different, but it can be reinterpreted.

If AA is not for him, he can see a cognitive behavioral therapist who's trained in addiction. He'll learn stress management and relapse prevention as well as assertiveness and other necessary skills.  There may also be other programs in the community that he can attend.

One of the key concerns for anyone in recovery is dealing with stress, because when he was 'self medicating' he was avoiding it. Your fiance is obviously aware of the stress, however, he's smoking marijuana rather than getting help to learn how to deal with it.

If your fiance has been telling you that he wants you and the kids to leave, I believe he means it.

However, this may not be the end of the relationship. He may not be ready for the responsibility of a family right now.  Give him the space he wants but stay in touch with him.

He has to work on himself and want you and the kids is his life. But if he doesn't, take this as an opportunity to move on.

I hope this information is helpful,

Thank you for asking AllExperts

All the best

Bev

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com  

Beverley Glazer

Expertise

I can answer questions on all addictive behaviors: alcohol, drugs, food, compulsive sex, codependency, gambling, compulsive shoplifting etc.

Experience

I have over 20 years experience working in the addiction field. My experience extends to all levels of substance abuse. I've worked in rehabs and detox centers, prisons and half-way houses and have a busy private practice as well as an active website where I can be reached for recovery coaching and consultation. I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, but 12-step programs are an excellent support. When working in the addiction field, there is no cookie-cutter solution. In the recovery field, you witness miracles. That's why I love what I do.

Organizations
NAADAC The Association for Addiction Professionals, CACCF Canadian Addiction Counselors Federation, CCA Canadian Counseling Association, For more information please see: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com

Education/Credentials
BA Psychology, MA Counseling Psychology, ICADC International Alcohol and Drug Counselor, ICAC International Clinical Addiction Counselor, CGC Certified Gambling Counselor.

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