Expert: Druideck - 9/6/2010

Question
I have a friend that has been drinking a 30 pack case of beer for about 40
years. He is 60 and started in his early 20's. I have been seeing him
change considerly in the last year. What's funny is he seems to know
exactly what he's doing. Some times I watch him deliberately hurt
someone. He has recently withdrew from his very close lady friend. They
were never sexually involved. But all of a sudden he would not talk to her
spend time with her till she asked him to move out. He did and took
everything he gave her. Be moved into the garage he works at. He
confided to someone that it was a sexual issue that he was embarrassed
he couldn't do anything. But he goes back everyday and really seems to
care for here. She recently had surgery to her foot and he went and is
staying with her and gets her breakfast and supper but stays away all day
till supper then goes to bed. But he still tells her what to do. What seems
to be happening? Is he getting mentally worse? He is nauseate and dry
heaves every morning. He blames it on eating after 11am in the morning.
He eats a burrito each morning and that's it for the day. You never see
him without a beer until he lays down to go to bed.  

Answer
Louise,

Long term drinking can have many effects
on a person. One is just the physical
health problems and the other is
the lack of emotional growth
that happens while drinking long term.
Alcoholism has the added effect of making
a person spiritually ill. This means
their moral behaviour can lessen.
There is a loss of emotional empathy
so they cannot feel anything about
others except what affects them
personally. They are very self-centered
and are mostly concerned about
how things affect themselves.

There is also the possibility of
a person having other mental issues
that may not be directly related to
drinking but may be worsened or amplified
when they drink.
Of course getting help to stop drinking
is a good start on regaining mental health
but often it is a long term recovery
to make changes in one's personality
and behaviours.

If he is not interested in giving up
his drinking there is little to do.
Sometimes we can only suggest AA or
such to someone like that and try
to accept them as they are.
If it gets really uncomfortable to
be around him then you need to care for
yourself by looking for friends that
add more to your own life.
Some people reach a point where they
want change and some people never do.
We can only be there for them if they
show any signs of wanting help seriously.

If he keeps on drinking as he is then
health problems may be coming.
On the other hand I have seen some
guys drink until they were in their 90's.
Often this requires an enabler or
person that allows them the circumstances
to make drinking possible.
This might include providing a home or
money for drinking. Sometimes they
don't realize their help is hurting
the drinker. They just feel the need
to help the poor soul.

Take care!